Expensive Loser Wanted!!!
Date: 2007-11-24, 11:09AM PST
Hello! I'm looking for an expensive loser!! Could this be you? I don't ask for much these days.
At my age, the fish that used to be in the barrel are dwindling in number, so lets see if you stack
up to my extremely high expectations:
1. Please do not have your own mode of transportation. I expect to pick you up and drive you
everywhere, including dates that you can't afford to take me on, work, to see your kids and to
deliver you to your drug dealer's at 3 in the morning.
2. Please have at least three addictions! I prefer alcohol, pot and cigarettes. Cocaine habit a plus!
Please do not share your substances with me as I prefer to buy my own. In fact, please borrow
my money to purchase yours!
3. Please live with your mother. If this is not possible becasue you don't know who she is, then
please live in a big house with five other guys and a six foot graffix bong you call
"chewbongka". Please have no furniture except a pool table and a kegerator. Your bed, if you
have one, should be a futon matress on the floor soaked in cat piss, beer, or both.
4. If I get my way, you will not recognize any of the good things I do. Instead, you should gripe
about imaginary things that you obsess about because of your meth addiction.
5. Do not be accountable at all for your actions. Please realize that if your life sucks, it's clearly
my fault and I should be a better girlfriend. I would appreciate it if you understood that it's
because of my lack of consideration that you are too hungover to work. It is also because of me
that you end up in jail, therefore, I will bail you out and you won't have to pay me back.
6. Please have poor credit. It's part of my dream that I have to add you to my cell phone account
and bank account because you are unable to obtain these things under the name you are currently
using. You must be at least $40,000 in debt. That debt will not include a home or a car because
you wouldn't have either of those