Mattel recently announced the release of limited-edition Barbie Dolls for
the Greater Akron market:
This princess Barbie is sold only on the square in Hudson. She comes with an
assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named
Honey and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face
lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.
"Cuyahoga Falls Barbie"
The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Wind star Minivan
and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation.
Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.
"Goodyear Heights Barbie"
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a
Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only
available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable
bills) .unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2.
Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also
available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to
afford any of them.
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too
small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of
Budlight and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired
Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate
flag bumper sticker absolutely free.
This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own
high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out
Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a
see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.
"Highland Square Bar