I can look back now, and see when I began to lose it. "It" being my grip on the American
lifestyle. I would say life, but we all have one of those. Even the six year old kid picking through
the refuse at a dump outside some smoldering, intermittently powered Asian city has a life.
Lifestyle, now that was different. Lifestyle, it rolls off the tongue, all cocky and aerobic. Say
lifestyle to yourself, and smell the women, taste the magazine food, and imagine life under a
roof that does not leak. Take away the money, and you take away the lifestyle. Amazing, to me
at least, was how much of my life then was really lifestyle.
Please don’t get me wrong. I was never rich. At least by the standards prevalent during that
time. I had a job; a car; some cool toys; a girlfriend, a condo, what I thought of as the basics of
life. Nowadays, well, as we all know, the standards changed, and changed so very fast. The
good old days, they often seem like a dream to me. As I am sure they do to so many of us. Some
of us, especially politicians, seem to believe they will be coming back. Or maybe, they just want
us to believe that. Maybe so, but not in my lifetime.
Have you ever been standing still, yet still feel like you are falling? It is a scary feeling. Especially
when it is your life. You know it is slipping away, but there is nothing to grab on to. That
helpless feeling makes you feel so small. So, oh, unmanly I guess. I mean I could have done
something if I could have gotten a physical handle on it. There was no handle. There never is I
I had this job, not a great job, but it paid the bills most of the time. Nowadays you find people
who either do not want to talk about what they did, or want to tell you from what heights they
had fallen from. Myself, I dropped from the first step to the ground, and it still broke my heart. I
worked for a financial company, never mind the name, doing tech support. Like everything in
life, it had its food cha