Dr. Seuss’s The Pirates of Penzance
by Daniel Florip
[Pirates enter with Frederic and Ruth; general merriment.]
Dear Frederic, let us celebrate,
For you have come of age – how great!
And as your birthday now has passed,
You may be one of us at last!
Dear pirate friends, I must admit
Your kind words make me weep a bit,
And though I’d like to with you stay,
I take my leave of you today!
But why, if you would like to stay,
Would you ever go away?
Yes, yes, don’t make us rave and rant,
You couldn’t, mustn’t, and you shan’t!
My friends, to you it can’t be clear
Why I would leave a band so dear,
And so I must direct you to
My nursemaid Ruth, who’ll tell you true.
Oh pirates, listen as I say
That I was young and cute one day.
Yes, yes, you know,
A-many, many years ago!
But although young, I could not hear,
And Frederic, whom I loved so dear,
His father wanted ‘prenticed to
A pilot with a naval crew.
And although “pilot” he did say,
Heard “pirate” I from him that day,
And lo, young Frederic did become
Like you: a pirate, swilling rum!
Like you! He did become
A pirate, pirate swilling rum!
Now see you all how I am not
Part of your filthy, vile lot,
But ‘twas my duty here to stay
Years twenty-one, until today!
With pirate ways I’ve ne’er agreed.
In me you’d plant an evil seed.
And so although I love you still,
I now must kill you, and I will!
Young Frederic, if you feel this way,
For you we cheer!
We wish for you the best of luck,
But heed the dangers of your pluck!
Young master, I must with you leave.
She truly is my biggest peeve.
Are you as fair as you have claimed?
My sturdy looks remain unmaime