Confronting Unacceptable Behavior—Five Steps to Follow
Written by: Deborah Kendel http://leadershipskills.org.au/conflict-
management/confronting-unacceptable-behaviour-%E2%80%93-5-steps-to-follow/
Few managers enjoy confronting staff about performance concerns or undesirable
conduct. However, digging your head in the sand and just hoping that things will get
better on their own is both naive and irresponsible. So how should you go about
confronting someone at work?
The first step is to do your homework. There is nothing worse than having egg on your
face because you didn’t have all the facts. What have you seen and heard yourself? What
have you heard from others? What do you need to check? Would your boss see this as
something worth confronting head on?
The second step is to decide what you are going to say. Right at the outset, you need to
state the facts, how you came by them and how this falls short of your expectations. This
part needs to be clear and concise, so spend some time rehearsing your opening
statement. Then, you need to invite a response with a simple question such as, What
happened? Other than the opening question, this part cannot be pre-planned. However,
you can expect to spend some time listening to what they have to say and asking further
questions that help you better understand the situation from their perspective. Finally,
you need to remind them that their behavior needs to change and then work with them to
come up with ways that they can make this change happen.
The third step is the meeting itself. Make a time in advance where you can meet with
them privately and then work through the stages in step two. During the meeting you
may discover that some personal issues (divorce, drug addiction, etc.) are contributing to
the problem. You should not discuss solutions to these sorts of problems other than to
offer to refer the person to a counselor from your company’s Employee Assistance
Program or similar. You need to focus your efforts on helping the person change their
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