CONFESSIONS OF A SECOND-RATE COMEDIAN
by
Josh Elmets
WGA Reg. #: 1333535
Josh Elmets
7 Miner St.
Boston, MA 02215
jpe1108@bu.edu
(205) 266-9067
INT. COMEDY CLUB - NIGHT, FLASHBACK
A cluster of small, round tables surround a black stage that
sits in front of an exposed brick wall. The stage is empty
except for a microphone that rests on a tall stand. The room
is well-occupied but by no means to its full capacity.
Suddenly an ANNOUNCER’S voice can be heard.
ANNOUNCER
Please give a warm welcome for our
first act of the night. He’s just
wrapped up his first regional tour,
is billed by the "Weekly Standard"
as one of the ten up-and-comers of
the year, and has appeared on a
television commercial once...the
aptly named HARDY WINER!
The crowd claps politely, lacking enthusiasm.
A bespectacled man in his early thirties approaches the
stage with his head down, hands in his pockets. He has red
hair, a poorly landscaped beard, and is slightly overweight.
This is HARDY WINER. He takes the mic and begins his act.
HARDY
Thanks, thanks a lot. I’d like to
apologize in advance to everyone
for showing up here tonight.
Especially my beautiful wife
Jillian sitting right back there.
Wave hello.
Hardy points back towards his wife. JILLIAN smiles and
giggles at her husband. She is a slender blonde in her
thirties, as well.
HARDY (CONT’D)
Jillian and I were just married and
I know what you’re all thinking:
"she’s much too attractive for this
guy, he must be hilarious." And you
know, it’s true. I mean, not that
I’m hilarious, but when we appear
in public together, I do tend to
receive preferential treatment.
And, being seen with such an
attractive woman makes me feel very
self-conscious. For example, we
were eating dinner last week in
kind of a fancy place, and we
finish our meal. I pay with a
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
undefined3.
INT. MOTEL ROOM - AFTERNOON, PRESENT
Hardy lies next to DALIA, a woman in her early twenties with
dark hair and skin who is very much not Jillian. Hardy and
Dalia appear to be a bit winded.
Hardy exhales. He is dejecte