Managing Criticism
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An emotionally mature person knows how to admit mistakes and can accept criticism with grace
and humility. Emotionally mature people listen to criticism and ask themselves if what they are
hearing is true. They do not get defensive or angry when someone doesn't say what they want to
hear. Often, the way a person is brought up plays a huge part in determining whether or not a
person can handle criticism.
People who are placed on a pedestal when they are young will believe they can do no wrong and
will have a difficult time when anyone criticizes them. At the other end of the spectrum, people
who are raised in an environment where they were constantly criticized when they were young
will also have a very tough time when anyone criticizes them. Often, people from both types of
environments isolate themselves and ultimately have a real problem being around people for fear
of hearing something that they don't like.
I was brought up in a family where criticism was the rule, not the exception. My mother's
criticism had an extremely cruel edge to it as well. She was an expert at making each one of her
children, including me, feel like a bad person.
When I began my career as a teacher, I was twenty two years old. I was a special education
teacher in a middle school in Plainfield, New Jersey. My class was made up of the toughest, most
violent kids in the school. Their behavior was terrible and I had a tough time controlling the
class.
On one occasion very early in the school year, I was observed by the vice-principal. He came
into my room unannounced and watched me teach for a full hour. My kids were not well
behaved but I didn't think they were as bad as they usually were.
About five days later, my principal sat down with me to go over my performance evaluation. I
was nervous since performance evaluations determined whether or not teachers get rehired.I
knew very well that performance evaluations are designed to point out to the teacher some
strength but mostly weaknesses that need improvement. I knew I had to get myself ready for
some criticism when I read the evaluation.When the vice principal went over his findings with
me, there wasn't one positive remark in the evaluation. Every category was checked as either
unsatisfactory or needs improvement. A mature reaction on my part would have been to engage
my boss in a discussion so I could find out what he wanted me to do to improve. Instead, because
of my knee-jerk reaction to any criticism whatsoever, my blood started to boil. I want you to
understand that I knew my principal was a fine administrator and a real gentleman. Knowing
this, I should have realized that he was just doing his job and actually trying to help me.
Unfortunately, that thought never entered my mind. Instead, I was having my immature,
emotional reaction to him.
A day later, I went straight to the union representative and had him look at the evaluation. He
immediately scheduled a meeting between himself, the principal, the vice principal and me. The
principal of course supported the vice principal's findings in the evaluation but he gave me a
suggestion that actually leaked through my thick head. He told me to go over to another school
and observe another class like mine and see if I could get some help.
I went over to the other middle school in the district and started to observe a veteran teacher
work with students who were as tough if not tougher than the students that I had in my class.
This teacher had been in the district for many years and had developed so many effective
techniques that he never really had any behavior problems. He was a kind, giving man and really
took he under his wing. We became good friends. I learned from him and I became a better
teacher.
The principal observed my classroom about four weeks later. This time there were positive
things going on in my classroom. The kids being were pretty much on task and stayed in their
seats. It actually looked like a classroom, not the circus. My new evaluation was great and
assured me that my hard work was recognized.
Even though I had had an immature reaction to the first performance evaluation, I had luckily
listened to the one recommendation of the principal to visit another classroom. I started out very
reactive but, with the help of others, finally realized there was a lot of truth in the criticism that
had been included in that evaluation. It probably saved my job.