Lost Principles

Lost Principles, updated 1/23/18, 2:09 PM

categoryEducation
visibility79

About James H Burns

Since 1977 Jim Burns has been working with students who have learning disabilities and behavioral problems.  He has almost 40 years of experience working as an administrator, teacher, college instructor, and seminar leader.  He is committed to helping administrators, parents, and teachers establish standards of excellence and help them build successful relationships with their staff, students, and children.  He has written and designed The Bully Proof Classroom, a graduate course that is now offered at The College of New Jersey, and La Salle University in Pennsylvania in partnership with The Regional Training Center. This course has been endorsed by the NJEA.  He has also written “Anti Bullying 101.” A book that provides teachers, administrators, support staff and parent’s 101 tips on how to achieve permanent help in dealing with unruly behavior and can be used as part of any anti-bullying program. In May of 2015 Jim was awarded the degree of Doctor of Humane Letters by Gratz College in recognition of his almost forty years of work in student behavior management and anti bullying.   He is available for on sight in-services and keynotes.

Tag Cloud


Lost Principles
I had a friend whose son was getting ready to go off to his freshman year of college. We drove
him up to his college and we intended to stay up there for three days. During the five hour car
ride there, he kept insisting that we leave after we dropped him off. We told him that we were
definitely staying over for at least one night. After we moved him in we took him to dinner and
walked around campus with him. I watched his body language and I realized that even though he
had lobbied for us to leave in the car for five hours, he was glad we stayed.
This story is not unique. Parents today have a terrible time when their children leave home.
That's because they know deep down that they haven't done enough to prepare their children for
independence. Children today are not given enough basic responsibilities as they grow and aren't
prepared for all that lies ahead in their lives. These children haven't learned enough about
survival out in the dog eat dog world. They are emotionally immature.Emotionally mature
people have certain characteristics that make it easy to recognize them. What are these
characteristics and what does an emotion-ally mature person look like?
Emotionally Mature People are Respectful
People who are emotionally mature is respectful. They don't live and die by the sayingI'll give
respect when I get respect. They are respectful to everyone regardless of how they are treated.
They have an appreciation for the rights and privileges of another person and therefore can
accept differences of opinions gracefully.
Emotionally mature people have a built- in set of values that won't allow them to use their words
or actions to be disrespectful to anyone. Emotion-ally mature people enjoy another other people's
successes and are ready to offer praise to others for their accomplishments. Emotionally mature
people know how to respond to authority and know how to work with their employers regardless
of whether or not they like their boss.
When I was a young teacher, I was very immature emotionally. I had my Masters Degree in
administration when I was 25 years old. I thought I had all the answers. I believed every boss I
had was an idiot. I wanted to be an administrator so I could be the boss. I applied for one
administrative job after another both in and out of the school district where I worked. But no one
would hire me. I didn't realize the reason I wasn't being hired at the time. However, later I
learned why I hadn't been offered a job. It was because during the interview process, the
interviewers who were all administrators themselves and they detected my "know it all" attitude.
They were wise enough to know that a "know it all" attitude would not make a good
administrator.Since I had tenure as a classroom teacher, I thought I could say and do whatever I
wanted. I was rude and discourteous to my supervisor. I actually bullied him. I remember
walking into his office one day and seeing him literally panic. To me, it looked like he was about
to break down in tears. I felt proud of the power I had to intimidate this man.
My administrator asked me to take an extra class because I had so few kids in my other classes. I
said, "I'm not doing it. If you think you can assign it to me, I'll go to union and register a
complaint against you." He started begging me to do take the class. At this point, my assumption
was he had been told by the principal to get this done and I refused.
I was a nightmare as an employee. I acted like I was the boss. My poor attitude reached
incredible heights when I would go out for lunch. I found nothing wrong with having a few
drinks and then going back to school to teach children in the afternoon. Luckily, I happened to
read a biblical verse that hit me like a bolt of lightning. It said that those who are responsible in
the little things will be given the bigger things.
I remember sitting quietly after I read these words. Finally, I understood how wrong my attitude
had been. I said to myself, it's time to grow up. It's time to be a man. I put myself into my boss's
place and I knew I had put him through a living hell by just dealing with me on a daily basis. I
went to my boss very respectfully and apologized for my attitude. I told him that I would do
anything to help him. Never will I forget the look of pure relief on his face. Also, I became a
contributor at faculty meetings, stopped listening and contributing to rumors and gossip in the
faculty room. I did anything that I was asked to do with a nice attitude.
Continuing to apply for administrative positions, I was called for interview with a district
superintendent. At the conclusion of the interview, the superintendent asked me for a current
reference. I did something that I hadn't been able to do during any of the previous interviews: I
gave him the name of my current supervisor..the man who I had apologized to for my disrespect
and who had been on the receiving end of my horrible attitude. I gave my supervisor the power
to decide if I was going to become and administrator or not. My supervisor was such a good guy.
He only remembered that I apologized to him and that I was now showing him the respect he
deserved. What a class act he was. He could have used that opportunity to really put the screws
to me. But he didn't. Instead, he gave me a wonderful reference. I got that job! If I hadn't grown
in my emotional maturity during this time period, I never would have become an administrator;
A job that I so desperately wanted.
The next observation that I have made about emotionally mature people is that they are
respectful to their parents. I have worked with hundreds of students who were discipline
problems. The one thing they all had in common is that they were rude and discourteous to their
mother and father. The next observation that I have made about emotionally mature people is
that they are respectful to their parents. I have worked with hundreds of students who were
discipline problems. The one thing they all had in common is that they were rude and
discourteous to their mother and father. These students almost went out of their way to bully
their parents and were always telling them to shut up. Most times the students treated their
parents like they were second class citizens. People who are emotionally mature have respect for
the position that a parent has in their life. They respect their parent's age and their opinions.
My parents were very tough to deal with. Even as I got older, I always viewed them as somewhat
meddling. The bottom line: They were my parents and, if nothing else, I owed them respect. I
always have concerns when I observe young men or women treating their parents with
disrespect. I know somewhere down the road they will regret their actions. Unfortunately by that
time, it may be too late.
Next The Principle of Honesty
Visit My Store