Character Is Everything
15 Articles on Character Education
And Why These Qualities Are So Important
To Teach Our Students

James H Burns MA, DHL



Character Is Everything

For at the least thirty years I have spoken about the importance of character training in
our schools. The students that teachers work with may not get any character education in
their home, and deciding whether or not something is right or wrong is based upon
circumstance or the environment with the color always being gray rather than viewing
things in black and white. I have been in schools and have found posters all over the
building that state how the school and the district are committed to character education
for their students. In the same schools the use of profanity and vulgarity was regularly
used without consequence and in one school a fight broke out in the hallway. Different
states across the country have mandated that school districts implement a character
education program and in some cases a character education coordinator has been
appointed to either develop or purchase a canned character education program for district
use.

Character truly is everything, but what is character and more importantly what is
character education? I really don't think anyone has an answer. But I would like to shed
some light on some character qualities and what they really mean. The importance of
understanding what the definition of a character quality is something that teachers,
students, and parents need to be made aware of. Without a clear definition of what a
character quality really means a child will never be aware of when he/she exhibits the
quality and a teacher will never have a starting point for how they are going to teach the
quality to their students. The most important thing to remember is that good character is
not subject to interpretation and is black and white or right and wrong.

The definition of honesty is a refusal to lie, steal, or deceive in any way. The opposite
of honesty is deception. Often students in school are not as upset that they did something
wrong but rather that they got caught doing something wrong. Once they get caught they
find ways to either lie about their involvement or withhold information from the teacher
or administrator in order to avoid the consequences associated with their wrong doing.
The child might disclose information that points to another student or a circumstance in
order to justify why they did what they did. Even very young students when cornered by
an adult for things like not doing their homework, bullying, or general horseplay will find
ways to deceive the teacher in order to avoid getting into trouble.

When given the definition of the quality of honesty at a young age, and when it is taught
as part of the general curriculum rather than in some haphazard way the quality will
become ingrained in the child and he will begin to understand that by displaying the
character quality he will earn future trust, and will be viewed as an honest person.







Character Is Everything: What Is Compliance

When I first started talking about the quality of compliance I used the word obedience. I
got such a negative reaction from teachers and parents that I had to change the name of
the quality from obedience to compliance. It seemed as if obedience was too strong a
word and parents and teachers were offended by it. I still don't think that there is
anything wrong with the word obedience. Thirty years ago we demanded obedience from
children. Today we can't even use the word, and obedience turns out to be the last thing
we get from children. Well, what is the definition of compliance? Compliance is when a
person does what he is told, when he is told to do it, with a good attitude. And willfulness
is the opposite of the character quality of compliance.

Why is it so hard to get children to be compliant with the instructions of an adult? It is the
natural tendency of children to want to explore and do things, their natural curiosity is
always at work and they believe at a young age that they can do and say just about
anything that they want. A parent's first job is to teach their children the word NO. If
children don't understand what they can and cannot do, and they don't understand the
word NO they will draw the conclusion at a very young age that they can do anything
they want. Believe it or not children will draw this conclusion at about the age of two.
This is one of the reasons why everyone talks about the terrible two's. Children are
starting to walk and have a natural curiosity, and want to explore just about everything,
like a hot stove, or electric outlets. They want to pull on the dogs ears, or change the
channel on the TV set in the middle of a show, or go into the cabinet under the sink and
play with the Drano. If children don't understand the word NO, and more importantly, if
they are not corrected for their non-compliance they will begin to believe that there is
nothing wrong with what they are doing. Then suddenly mom or dad get to the point that
they are fed up with their children's behavior and they start to take things away, or start to
scream the word NO which leads to the child crying and throwing a temper tantrum.

I am not sure where adults got the idea that they can rationalize with a two year old and
truly make that child understand their adult reasoning. The truth of the matter is they
can't. But these same children enter pre school and kindergarten and are behavior
problems for the teacher from the get go. These children can't share, stay in their seat,
follow directions, or take turns. When they are disciplined for non compliance they
scream and carry on like someone is cutting off their right arm. The teacher then begins
to believe that there is something medically wrong with these children, like they must
have ADHD, or ODD. In reality the children were just never taught the meaning of one
little word, NO.








Character is Everything What Is Maturity?

Most people view maturity as something that happens to all individuals as they grow
older. But, in reality being mature is not something that occurs automatically, and while
many adults have matured physically, they actually have never really matured
emotionally. So what is the definition of maturity? I believe that there are two really good
definitions of the quality of maturity. The first definition is the ability to subordinate an
impulse to a value, and the second definition is having the ability to cooperate even
though one may disagree. The problem lies in the fact that how can one subordinate an
impulse to a value if one doesn't have any values or principles that have been adopted to
govern one's life? Values and principles have to be taught to a person at a young age and
they have to become part of the person's heart and soul. Values like respect for authority,
responsible behavior, truthfulness, dependability, and attentiveness can all become
internalized character qualities if one is mature enough to realize the importance of
incorporating them into one's life and has practiced them long enough to make them a life
long habit. So once one begins to develop the ability to stand on certain principles ands
sees the benefit of these principles, one will grow in the area of wisdom and emotional
stature and will be viewed as a mature person by others.

Maturity is really a character quality that has to develop from the outside in first.
Maturity refers to the transformation of external norms and rules into internal principles
and convictions Accountability plays a big part in the development of maturity. A child
needs to realize what the rules are in his family, school and in society and needs to be
exposed to the consequences that are imposed for breaking these rules. A child doesn't
have the ability to self generate certain behaviors and must be supervised by an adult and
at times forced to do things that he would not choose to do on his own. Norms must be
imposed from the outside because a child will follow his natural desires and is really not
capable of thinking things through or sacrificing an immediate pleasure for a future good.

Parents wring their hands when their sons or daughters go off to college because of the
fears they have that their children will not be able live independently of them. Their
concern is that that this young person won't be able to do things in the absence of the
parent and will lay aside his/her moral compass to follow his own desires or passions.
The parents actually questions the child's maturity and can begin to question their own
parenting skills and wonder if they really spent the time needed to build the values and
principles into their child's life so their child can survive without parental supervision.






Character Is Everything What Is Proactivity?

Did you know that the word proactive isn't even in the dictionary? It's a word that is used
all the time in society and there isn't even a clear definition for it. I believe that it is an
important character quality of merit and that it needs to be defined. So, what does the
character quality of proactivity mean? Proactivity is the opposite of reactivity and can be
defined as the ability to know one's response before one is faced with a problem.
Proactivity allows one prevent some problems from occurring although not all problems
can be prevented and some problems come upon us without warning.

The quality of proactivity is in a larger sense related to one's response when one is under
stress and how one handles difficult situations. People who are proactive knows how to
choose their response in any circumstance because they have a set of values and
principles that they have learned that are plugged into their heart and soul. Reactive
people on the other hand are very emotional and when they are faced with a problem they
become angry, frustrated, depressed and so filled with anxiety that they tend to blame
others or circumstances for their problem.

The character quality of proactivity is a learned quality, and perhaps the best teacher is
experience or the experiences of others. When I was a very young school administrator I
faced all kinds of problems with students, teachers, and parents. To be quite honest I
didn't want anyone to come to me with a problem, primarily because I just didn't have
the capacity to solve some of the problems that were presented to me. As I grew in my
position I learned that what happened today could very easily happen again tomorrow. I
learned how to determine my responses before I was presented with a problem, and
became adept at student discipline, handling teacher complaints, and parent conferences.
I lost my fear of confronting a problem because I already had the answer to the problem
before it occurred. I went from being a reactive person to a proactive person and worked
to always become part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Unfortunately today children come into school with a reactive nature and lack the ability
to share, play in a group, show respect for others, do what they are told to do by the
teacher, and to display kind and courteous behavior. They were never taught to use their
proactive muscles by their parents who are probably emotional and reactive in nature
themselves. I am sure that these same parents were offered instruction by their parents on
how to handle difficult situations, but they failed to listen and learn from the experiences
of others.








Character Is Everything: What Is Punctuality

Punctuality is a character quality that gets very little attention. Society today views a
person who is 15 minutes late as being on time and has even have come up with a nice
little phrase for being tardy, it's called being fashionably late. So what is the definition of
punctuality? Punctuality is the act of being ready to begin each task at the appointed
time. The opposite of punctuality is tardiness. I don't think anyone thinks of ever being
exactly on time after they leave high school but today lateness is looked at with a much
more relaxed attitude. Many years ago schools used to take lateness much more seriously
than they do today. If you have ever been in a high school and observed students milling
around in the hall between classes what you would notice is that the students don't start
moving to their class until the late bell rings. I have spoken to many teachers who have
complained about student tardiness and asked them what they consider late? Most of the
teachers said that they consider a student late if they arrive in class about one minute after
the bell rings. That's not on time, that's late. Schools today are contributing to the
problem of tardiness in society by not holding students accountable for either being late
to class or late to school.

A person who is punctual has a high regard for the time of another person. They don't
keep people waiting if anything they're a little bit early. Many professions today perform
jobs and services for people that don't allow them to be one minute late. The police, the
firemen, and emergency medical services can't be late. I'm sure that these professions
would not be late or drag their feet in a life or death situations, but the life of another
person could be on the line, and emergency services need to move as fast as they possibly
can in order to get to the seen of an accident, a crime seen or a fire when they are called.

The teaching profession itself requires a person to be exactly on time. If a teacher is late
for his or her class and a fight breaks out between two students and someone gets hurt the
school district could be held liable because the teacher wasn't on time for their class.
They weren't where they were supposed to be at the appointed time.

The model for consistently having a regard for the time and resources of others is best
depicted in the life of Cal Ripkin Jr. Cal Jr. as he is called played in 2, 632 consecutive
baseball games over a period of 16 seasons. I understand that he was always the first one
in the locker room before a game. He never missed work and was always on time. He is
now a baseball hall of famer. The character quality of being consistently punctual is one
that should be admired and I believe that it is a required quality to possess if a person is
to have a hall of fame life.







Character Is Everything: What Is Self Control?

Self Control Exercising restraint over my thoughts, words, actions, attitudes, and
motives. The opposite of self control is self indulgence. I believe that this quality is more
important today than ever before. The quality has to be taught to children when they are
very young and enforced by parents and teachers. I learned the importance of this quality
as a young boy attending Catholic Grammar School.

Going to a Catholic Grammar School for 9 years had its benefits. We had to wear
uniforms so there wasn't any clothes competition, we went to church all the time so we
got some formal spiritual training, you couldn't even think of using profanity because
you thought the nuns read your mind and would find out what you were thinking, we
learned good penmanship, we were respectful, compliant, and responsible. The crazy
thing is no one gave me a choice in any of these areas I was forced to do them. It wasn't
like the nun said to me you can go to church if you like, or why don't you try to hold your
pencil this way, or is that the way to speak to someone? If I didn't do it the way it was
supposed to be done there would be blood stains on the floor, and it wasn't Jesus' it was
mine. As I look back at this experience the one thing that I realize is that this type of
education taught me something that no one talks about today and that's self-control. The
majority of the problems that a person faces in their life are related to a lack of self-
control. Everybody either eats too much, drinks too much, spends too much, can't control
their temper, lusts after things that they can't have like someone else's spouse, and
develops habits that they can't break that could kill them or someone else like smoking or
driving too fast.
Now why does this stuff happen? Well I never remember my parents or any
teacher in my life saying to me the choice is yours you can smoke or not, or you can lose
your temper or not, or you can overeat or not. Self-control is taught. If I did something
that exhibited a lack of self-control I got grabbed by someone and got reamed out or in
the worst case scenario got clobbered. I was taught to wait on line, raise my hand, take
my time, practice until I got it right, memorize, and I got drilled on skills that everyone
knew were necessary for life long success. Look musicians practice endless hours to
perform a single piece of music. Students study instead of watch TV. Athletes devote
years of their lives to prepare for an Olympic event that may last only a few minutes.
The concepts of self-control, delayed gratification and discipline seem so counter
to our cultural values. We use our credit cards because we want things right away. We
become impatient if we wait more than a few moments at a drive-through at McDonalds.
We eat ourselves into obesity and poor health because it feels good, with little
consideration of the long-term consequences. Self-control should be graded in school and
looked at as a quality necessary for success as an adult. If you or someone you know is
having trouble with self-control I have a good friend named Sister Houlihan who still
thinks self-control is important. She is 4 feet 8 inches tall and she can still make a grown
man hold his pencil the right way.


Character Is Everything: What Is Initiative?

When I was working as a school administrator I was walking down the hallway with a
student and a teacher one day and saw some garbage on the floor. I said to the student,
"Pick that up." The student went over, picked up the garbage, and threw it in the garbage
can. The teacher was amazed at how the student cooperated with my request and picked
up the garbage. The teacher said to me, "Wow that was great, he just went over and
picked up the garbage." The teacher was almost complimenting me for how the student
complied with my request. My comment to the teacher was, "Do you think that he would
have picked up that garbage if I hadn't told him to?" Unfortunately, the answer to that
question is that he would not have.

The definition of the character quality of initiative is: Recognizing and doing what needs
to be done before one is asked to do it. The opposite of initiative is unresponsiveness. The
idea that a person can survive and succeed in this world without initiative is ridiculous
and wrong headed. Having initiative doesn't mean that a person is pushy or obnoxious; it
means that a person can see what has to be done and can take the personal responsibility
to make things happen. One who possesses the character quality of initiative doesn't
allow circumstance or environment to get in the way and doesn't make excuses for
behavior, or inability to complete a task. One doesn't allow the roadblocks of life to bring
one a full stop, but rather works to come up with a solution to the problem.

During my experiences as a principal and a vice principal I have observed more students
who do not have initiative. These students are unmotivated, and really are just plain
disaffected in their attitudes about school, work, and life in general. In plain language,
they just don't care. If they fail a test, they might claim it's because they didn't have
enough time to study, if they are caught doing something, it's because their pencil was
stolen. If they are late to school, it's because their mother woke them up late. The scary
part is the parents of these children usually support the excuses and find ways to
perpetuate the behavior. The teachers and the administrators of these students often fear
the parents and give in to the excuses that are used by the students and their parents. This
only results in acceptance of the lack of initiative these students demonstrate.

If we want children to develop the quality of initiative they need to be held accountable
and they should not be allowed to use excuses for what they are personally responsible
for. The quality of initiative is a key character quality that needs to be developed in our
children if we want them to manage their lives independently, and if we want them to
experience life long success.







Character Is Everything: What Is Respect?

I was driving in my car one day and was staring at the five bumper stickers that were on
the car in front of me. One of the bumper stickers made a lot of sense, it said, "If you can
read this thank a teacher." I never had to be reminded of this when I was a kid, I always
thanked my teachers but, more importantly I respected my teachers. I didn't have a
choice I had to be respectful, I didn't even think twice. I found out very early on as a
student that before I had a chance to be successful academically I had to stay in my seat,
not talk back, and do what I was told when I was told to do it. I realized that if I made any
attempt to complain about my teachers my parents weren't hearing it which really
benefited me as a student. Today if a kid goes home and starts to complain about his
teacher, instead of the parents saying do what you're told, they can almost begin to
complain right along with their kid planting seeds of disrespect in the child's head that
ultimately will interfere with the child's academic success. Kids who sense a division of
authority between their parents and the school go to school everyday with a poor attitude,
and are being programmed for a lifetime of educational as well as employment related
problems.

As a teacher and administrator myself I have watched the decline of respect in education
today. It's almost as if society wants to muzzle the teacher from saying what needs to be
said to a student that will help the student improve academically. Teachers have to
measure every word and if constructive suggestion is offered to a student by a teacher it
is viewed by the student and his parents as an insult that is going to damage the kids' self-
esteem for a lifetime.

As a high school student I was no different than any other kid in school and I tried to get
away with as much as possible and always looked to cut corners academically. I was a
freshman in high school and I turned in a history assignment to my social studies teacher.
This was an assignment that was assigned two weeks prior. I worked on it the night
before it was due. Within a day or two the teacher handed the assignment back to the
class. My assignment was not returned but, he asked to see me after class. I met with him
and he said to me, "What is this, is this all you are capable of, Jimmy you can't b--- s----
a b---- s------." I was shocked and embarrassed, and hung my head. Finally I looked at
him and said, "Can I do it over?" He said, "Can you, are you capable of better work?" I
worked on it again with his help and turned it in again and received a B for the
assignment. I developed a tremendous relationship with this teacher, and respected him
because he didn't feel as if he had to measure his words. I had a high regard for this
man's opinion, and didn't even think twice about trying this again.

Unfortunately if a teacher tries to do this today, the kid usually goes home, tell his parents
and a meeting is arranged to question or berate the teacher. The sad part is that this
allowed to go on, and it is very common place in education and in society today. Schools
today are constantly on the hot seat to improve test scores, reduce the drop out rate, and
to be in compliance with federally mandated programs that provide government funds.
Everyday on the news deviant behavior is reported in schools with school shootings
almost becoming common place. Society wants to level the ground, and create an
environment where no one is in charge and authority figures can't even offer constructive
suggestion to students and employees to help improve their performance, and are
muzzled by the same systems that judge their abilities. The only way students will be
successful academically is when everyone involved in the educational process learns to
respect the human delivery system, the teacher.





















Character Is Everything: What Is Responsibility?
Educators today are under constant pressure to improve student test scores and to
improve student overall academic performance. If a student's standardized test scores are
not up to snuff or if students have academic difficulty that can't be explained the
principal finds their way into the classroom for an observation, to try and find something
wrong with the teacher's instructional methods. The question that gets raised here is who
is responsible for a student's academic performance? I was not the very best student in
elementary or in high school. I struggled just to get C's and an occasional B and never in
all my time as a student did anyone question how good my teachers were, instead I was
questioned about what my responsibilities were as a student

As an elementary student my father would know when marking periods were over and
when report cards were issued. Once he had that report card in hand he would sit me
down and go over my grades. Any grade that was below a C he would ask me what was
going on in the class, and what my responsibilities were in order to raise my grade. I
remember once I tried to pull a fast one and tell him that the teacher didn't like me. He
didn't buy it and told me that the teacher doesn't have to like you and you don't have to
like the teacher, my job was to work as hard as I could to understand what the teacher
was teaching me. When I was a freshman in high school I failed Algebra I. I went home
and told my father that it was no big deal, and that I would take it again in my sophomore
year. He said to me, "No you won't, you failed because you didn't apply yourself." I
ended up in summer school, and it was the best thing that ever happened to me because
the following year I got straight A's in Algebra II, it was a breeze. He told me that he
would give me all the help that he could give me but, if I fail I do it on my own, and of
course if I pass I do that on my own also. He made me responsible for my own education
and did not want to hear any excuses. I have a friend who has a son that I have known
since he was 11 years old. I never heard him once complain about homework
assignment, not having enough time to study, poor teachers, or that he didn't understand
something. He took responsibility for every aspect of his school work. I looked at his
high school transcript when he graduated, there wasn't one A, he earned all A+'s. He was
the valedictorian of his class, and he is now attending Dartmouth College. Before a kid
can be successful as a student he has to be made aware by parents and teachers that it is
his responsibility to be prepared to learn and to accept failure as an indicator that they are
not putting forth their best effort.






Character Is Everything: What Is Truthfulness?
For some reason people in society believe that there is nothing wrong with lying or
bending the truth. People can usually find a way to justify their actions by saying, "Oh,
that was just a little white lie," and they really do believe that there is nothing wrong with
lying. What is truthfulness and why is it so important? The definition of the word
truthfulness is earning future trust by accurately reporting past facts. People who are
truthful earn trust and are viewed by others as being honest. People's reputations are
based upon their ability to tell the truth, and people's lives can be ruined if they are
viewed as liars.
How do people become liars? It starts when children are very young. Why do children
lie? What keeps children from being truthful when they are confronted by an adult about
their behavior? The answer I believe is the reaction that adults have when the children are
truthful about their behavior. It is a proven fact that children who are raised in reactive
environments become excellent liars, and may even lie to another person when it is just
as easy to tell the truth. The fear of a reaction by a significant person in the child's life
can cause the child to become a good liar, a person who withholds information, or a con
artist who can be so convincing and so charismatic that others just believe that he/she is
telling them the truth.
What does lying produce? Lying produces future pain for the person who is not truthful,
and a greater reaction on the part of the ones who have been lied to. Those who are
untruthful will never be believed again by those that they have lied to. Once caught in a
lie, one is labeled a liar. In reality, how many truths will a person have to tell after he or
she has been labeled a liar in order to lose the label? The answer is obvious; a person will
never again be viewed as being honest or trustworthy again.
Honest people understand that sometimes they will face reactions when they tell the truth,
and they have the strength to face the reaction. They are willing to pay the price for their
behavior by admitting to any wrong doing. They develop the reputation for being honest
and trustworthy, because they have the wisdom to understand that having a good name as
a truthful person is more important than temporarily getting out of a sticky situation.
That reputation of being an honest and truthful person is something that no price tag can
be attached to.





Character Is Everything: What Is Forgiveness?
The character quality of forgiveness is a tough one for most people to practice on a
consistent basis. Most people when they are wronged want to forgive because in reality
the reason they are forgiving someone is for their own mental health. Unfortunately a
person may forgive another person but may have a tough time forgetting what was done
to them. So they bounce back and forth between forgiveness and resentment. The quality
of forgiveness defined is the ability to cease feeling bitter toward one's offender and
not holding a grudge against him or her. The opposite of forgiveness is resentment.
Everyone knows that is better to forgive someone, but often a person will say that they
forgive another but way down deep they still harbor bitterness. Often that bitterness will
rear its ugly head in the form of angry outburst that could be directed at their friends or
loved ones, who often wonder why they are so miserable and unhappy.
A person's personality is no more than a compilation of what people have said to them or
have done to them over a period of a lifetime. Children at a young age need to be taught
about the benefits of forgiveness, but also must be taught how to express themselves and
make others aware of how angry they feel when they are wronged by another child or
even an adult. Please understand that a balance must be struck between forgiving
someone and making someone aware of how their behavior may have affected them.
Failing to communicate with a person's offender just compounds the problem by creating
greater resentment and future pain. It also can produce a person who is a complainer who
does nothing but talks about how they were wronged by another person to everyone else
but never to the person who offended them.
Can everything be forgiven? I don't believe so because certain things just can't be
forgotten. The prisons are filled with people who have committed horrible crimes against
society. Kidnapping and murdering children, unbelievably abusive home lives that have
impacted people and that can cause a person to lug the baggage of physical and emotional
abuse around with them for a lifetime are all very difficult to strike from a persons
memory or from the memory of the family who had to bare the burden of never seeing
their child grow up.
Perhaps the best way for a child to learn this quality is for them to understand the benefits
of making a positive contribution to the life of their offender, and by being taught how to
strike the balance and inform their offender of the impact that they had on his or her life.
The character quality of forgiveness is the high ground and must be developed by
everyone who wants the benefit of a good night's sleep as well as a positive mental spirit.
But let's not feel too bad if when we try to forget our past that our past doesn't forget us.



Character Is Everything: What Is Resourcefulness?
"I can't do it" is something I hear all the time from students and even from my own
children. Most children don't know how to problem solve and certainly don't understand
what their resources are when they are faced with situations that they have never
experienced before. Children don't have the ability to be independent problem solvers
primarily because they were never given information about their resources and were
never taught by adults how to use their resources.
The definition of resourcefulness is finding practical use for that which others would
overlook or discard. The definition may not make total sense here, but the opposite
certainly does make clear sense. The opposite of resourcefulness is wastefulness. How
much time, energy, and money do people waste today? Society today always seems to
make statements like I would have done a better job if only I had more time. Students say
all the time I would have done better on that test if I had more time to study. How much
energy do people waste involving themselves in activities and hobbies that distract them
from some real important priorities that involve family or employment? How many
children understand the correct use of money or better yet how to make it?
When people don't understand the importance of time or money, they will waste it. Often
people will be given resources and really not understand how to use them. All people are
given twenty four hours in a day, a certain amount of money, and a certain amount of
ability to use in areas of their life. When a person waste or uses their resources
incorrectly, problems will always occur in areas such as employment, family, and in their
attitude about life.
I was working as a Vice-Principal in a small school. I asked my boss who was the
Principal if he thought I was ready to become a Principal? He responded to me by saying,
"It's not whether or not you are ready to be a principal, it's whether or not you
understand what your resources are." Being resourceful means that you know what
resources are at your disposal and then using them to solve a problem or the problems of
another person. One of the most irresponsible things that one can do is to have all the
resources at one's disposal and then waste them or use them incorrectly. A person's
money, time, and abilities are all daily gifts that are given to him and should be
appreciated and used correctly.





Character Is Everything: What Is Gratefulness?
Children today have what I call an entitlement mentality. Often they believe that what
ever they have gotten or are going to get they were entitled to. Children who get what
they want when they want it never develop a grateful attitude, and are never happy with
what they have. In fact as soon as they get what they want they may appear happy for a
while but it is only a short time before they are ungrateful for what they have and look for
something else to make them happy. It's almost as if that there is a giant hole in the
middle of the child that can never be filled by anything, or anyone. The definition of
gratefulness is having the ability to let others know by my words and actions how they
have benefited my life. The opposite of gratefulness is unthankfulness. Often people
wonder why others don't appreciate them or seem ungrateful towards them no matter
what they say or do. Parents wonder how their children became so ungrateful even
though they have given them everything. Many people go through life without ever
feeling appreciated or acknowledged. The person who feels unappreciated needs to ask
themselves how much time do they spend praising others, speaking kind words,
displaying kind actions or just sending a simple thank you note to a person letting them
know how much they are appreciated for their actions. A truly grateful person recognizes
the investment that others have made in their life and makes a deliberate effort to show
his or her appreciation. Being grateful is not a passive state of thinking, but an active role
of expression.
Children who are spoiled develop an attitude of ungratefulness toward their parents first.
It almost becomes a popularity contest. Parents give their heart and soul to their children
along with all types of other needs and wants, with the hope that this will develop a
relationship with their children, only to discover how ungrateful their children are. The
children not only develop ungratefulness toward their parents but to their teachers, and
ultimately to employers, and as they grow older towards their own family.
In order to change from ungratefulness to thankfulness a person needs to learn to praise
others and show their appreciation for other people. Children need to learn how to give
praise as well as receive it. They also need to get into the habit of writing thank you notes
to others expressing their appreciation for another person's action. A grateful knows how
to be content with what they have and they have learned how to take care of the things
that they have bought or they have been given. A grateful person has the ability to count
their blessings rather than focusing on their burdens.





Character Is Everything: What Is Kindness?
What is the kindest thing that someone has done for you lately? Have you tried to do
something kind for someone? What do we usually think about when we think about
kindness? Things like opening the door for others, being nice to the cashier at the store,
leaving a generous tip for the waiter, sending a card of thanks. What do you think of
when you think of kindness?
All of these are good things. Typically, kindness is equated with being polite or nice.
Some years ago a movement started that called people to practice random acts of
kindness. In other words, be nice and be polite, even to a stranger. I am not sure if the
goal was to make people feel better about themselves or to make the world a better place.
Either way, both are good things. I do find it amazing though that society had to create a
slogan to remind people that they should treat one another in a kind and considerate
manner. Everyone wants to be treated kindly by others, but most people will only treat
another person in a kind manner if they are treated with kindness first. In other words if
you are kind to me I will be kind to you.
Kindness is really the outward sign of how a person feels about another person. It is the
expression of the love that we have for others in our home or those that we are close to.
Kindness should be taught to children and should be reinforced when they display acts of
love and kindness to their siblings or to friends or classmates. I have a friend who has
three children when her oldest child was three years old her second child was born. She
encouraged her oldest child to be loving and kind by telling her what a loving sister she
was to her new baby brother on a continuous basis. The child then learned to associate
the parent's approval with their acts of kindness. The older child then began to believe
that she was a kind hearted person and continued to display acts of kindness on her own.
The child was conditioned to express her love for her younger brother and displayed it by
her acts of kindness.
In our culture it seems that people believe that have a right to be on the receiving end of a
kind attitude from others. It's really the other way around. Instead waiting for someone to
treat us kindly we need to display this attitude and character quality first, just for the sake
of being kind not with any ulterior motive. If everyone displays this quality it stands to
reason that everyone will be treated in a kind manner.





Character Is Everything: What Is Diligence?
A journalist asked Thomas Edison, "What do you think is the first requirement]for
success?" "The ability to apply your physical and mental energies to one problem
incessantly," replied the inventor, "without growing weary." Diligence is more than being
busy. It is a quality of dedication. According to Edison, Diligence is applying "physical
and mental energies" to the problem at hand "without growing weary" - that is, without
losing interest before the task is done. A person who exhibits the character quality of
diligence knows how to invest all of their energies into a task that is assigned to him or
her and doesn't allow difficult circumstances to interfere with their progress, and
certainly knows how to keep their eye on the prize and press forward to the finish line.

It is true that there is no substitute for hard work. Often time's people don't take their
jobs seriously enough or view the jobs that they do as so menial that they don't do the job
to completion or they don't put forth their best effort. Children in school who may not
understand their subject matter tend to give up when the work becomes to hard, and don't
have the drive to put their mind to the work in order to complete assignments. Parents
whose children don't behave and are disrespectful and irresponsible may give up trying
to discipline their children because they feel like a failure as a parent. Workers who feel
less than appreciated by their employer become unmotivated on the job and just go
through the motions job and feel like they don't have any purpose at work or in life.

A diligent person always sees everything they do as an opportunity to put forth their best
efforts and views every performance as something that they are proud to sign their name
to. No matter what the job is, whether it is sweeping the street or president of a large
company they view every job as an important one. Important because they are doing it
and they want it to be done right.

If children are going to develop the character quality of diligence they first must have
good role models and then they must be taught how to see things through to the end. The
adults in the child's life should start and finish jobs that they are given or that they take
on, and avoid complaining about the jobs they have to complete. Children must be held
accountable for chores, school assignments, and their behavior in the home and in school
and not be allowed to use excuses for not finishing assigned tasks. Parents who are
diligent in working with and supervising their children to see things through to the end
will find that their children will not give up when they are faced with adversity as adults
and they won't allow the waves of life to interfere with the jobs that they have been
assigned.



Character Is Everything: What Is Patience

When we think of patience we generally think of waiting. However, there are two
different types of waiting: passive waiting and active waiting. Passive waiting is more
often disguised as laziness than the mark of true patience True patience is active waiting.
Patience does not mean inactivity it means working diligently on what is at hand while
waiting calmly for what is outside of one's control. A person who is patient does not
place time limits on something or someone; rather they have the ability to understand the
benefits of waiting. Being patient allows a person to understand what their resources are
and begin to understand that waiting will build strength and character and keeps them
from acting on impulse. Too often a person when they are impatient can fall prey to the
desire to take certain matters that are out of their control into their own hands, only to
discover that they would have been better off if they had waited for the advice of
someone or until they had all the facts that were necessary to solve the problem.

Patience, why is it such a hard thing to learn? Maybe it has something to do with our
instant society. We don't like waiting for things especially not things we feel strongly
about. There's just something impulsive in a person that makes them want to dive in and
go overboard with things and become impatient when they have to wait when things don't
happen instantly.

Patience is also enduring the suffering of repeated failure without giving up. It is
perserving to the end and finishing what one began. Often people tend to give up on
themselves when they experience problems that they see as unsolvable. Once they are
faced with a problem they make a few attempts at finding a solution, and then they give
up or give in and lose patience and confidence with their problem solving ability. Some
problems may never be solved, some problems may take years to solve. Understanding
what a person has control over and what they can't control is a fine line and a patient
person will practice active waiting as they plug along for days or even years to reach their
goal. Patience is a matter of accepting unchangeables that are beyond our control. The
key to accepting a problem is realizing that it is more productive to change the things you
can change, than get angry about those you can't.