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1 Disclaimer: This book is written for informational purposes only. The author has made every effort to make sure the information is complete and accurate. All attempts have been made to verify information at the time of this publication and the authors do not assume any responsibility for errors, omissions, or other interpretations of the subject matter. The publisher and author shall have neither liability nor responsibility to any person or entity with respect to any loss or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly by this book. 2 Table Of Contents Section 1 - Seldom-Known Secrets of the Male Psyche: This is How Men Really Think!............................................................................18 Section 2 - Powerful Emotional Triggers to Entrance Any Man............................................................32 Section 3 - The Invisible Trap: How to Avoid it Before it’s Too Late........................................................44 Section 4 - The Most Vital Key To Getting What You Want Out Of A Relationship.........................................56 Section 5 - The Biggest Fear That Men Hide From Women..................................................................72 Section 6 - Making a Reluctant Man Commit..........................................................................83 Section 7 - How Women Accidentally Kill their Relationships...................................................................97 Section 8 - How to Read A Man’s Mind and Discover His True Intentions............................................110 Section 9 - How to Stop Ending up with Losers..........................................................................122 Section 10 - Mastering the Art of Suggestion....................................................................134 Section 11 - The Most Powerful Thing a Woman Can Do to Create Conflict.....................................146 3 Section 12 - Deciphering His Hidden Messages and Discovering The Truth...............................................155 Section 13 - Psychologically Training Your Man: Out with the Bad, In with the Good........................................162 Section 14 - Discussing “Next Level” without Freaking Him Out...........................................................173 Section 15- Finding “The One” – The Real Secrets.........................................................................184 Section 16 - Empirically Understanding Emotional Unavailability..................................................196 Section 17 - The “X-Factors” – The Most Extremely Important Qualities Men Seek in Women.........................................................................205 Section 18 - Breaking Down the Call Back........................218 Section 19 – Understanding His Main Role.......................227 Section 20 - The Most Dangerous Mistakes to Make Around Men..........................................................235 Section 21 - “Break In Case of Breakup”..........................248 Section 22 - The Most Important Things to Keep In Mind.................................................................259 Final Words – Applying What You’ve Learned..............................................................283 4 Introduction I’m just going to start things off with a little anecdote that you may find relatable. Once upon a time, like so many other times, a girl liked a guy. She hadn’t just immediately fallen for him at first sight, but eventually, there was no denying her very real feelings for him. This is the kind of story that’s been reenacted in well over a billion different settings, but ultimately, we observe the same pattern of plot development in each one. After a bit of time had passed, the girl’s attraction evolved into something much more advanced than what it began as. It began as puppy love, but with time, the attraction developed into a powerful emotional impulse. Rather than just registering as simple attraction, the feeling made the girl feel an impulse to be with the young man. Instead of just wanting to admire him, she slowly came to the realization that she wants to be with him. She more frequently visualized scenarios with the two of them together in ways beyond physical engagement. She imagined scenarios that indicate two people who have committed to a legitimate life together. As beautiful as her fantasies may have been, they were accompanied by anxiety. She wondered, above all things, whether or not he actually felt the same way. She wondered if there was any chance that he may actually be 5 envisioning the same scenarios that keep her up at night. The thought of him at once enlivened her spirits and swathed her in the deepest type of dread. The constant, dualistic sensations of giddiness and doubt shook her constitution to the core and made her far less secure than usual. Her everyday thoughts would be momentarily permeated and colored by her feelings, temporarily sweeping her up and taking her miles away without her needing to physically move one muscle. When she developed real frustration at not being able to know how he felt about her, the words he actually spoke became augmented with brand new type of pressure. The possible windows into his consciousness tantalized her with the incentive of solving that puzzle of his affections haunting her sleepless nights. Of course, the impact of her feelings didn’t render her completely helpless to self-control. While she wanted nothing more than to be one with him in a romantic sense, she still had reservations about true physical consummation. Hearing, “You are so beautiful” excited her, but his sexual boldness quickly made her defensive. When she showed resistance, he was stricken with a feeling of conflict similar to what she was feeling before. With his sexual advance repelled, he will wondered about her level of interest while she questioned the depth of her willingness to continue engaging him. Every time she refused him, he would ignore her for several days to follow. The mounting uncertainty from his lack of contact with her would set the anxiousness off again, and she would be driven to start rethinking her defense against his 6 advances. Eventually, she let him have his way in the hopes that they would grow closer. Unfortunately for her, the move turned out to be anything but what she had hoped for. Instead of growing closer together, she found that giving into his sexual desires had really done nothing to take their relationship out of limbo. She had hoped that physical consummation had been a step forward, but it wasn’t a step to anywhere. It began to seem like time was slowing down, like each second was squeezed at the head and stretched out like a piece of taffy. Days transformed into weeks, and weeks matured into months. She eventually had to take a step back and have the melancholy realization that letting down here defenses had been a useless move. While it hadn’t been a forward move, it hadn’t been a lateral move either; as a matter of fact, she was distressed to see that it may have actually been more of a move backwards. She was starting to feel as though he was actually acting even more like a platonic friend than he ever had before. Some people say that the opposite of love isn’t actually hatred or anger, but total apathy. It would have been one thing if he had cared enough to be offended at something she had said or done, but it seemed as though he wouldn’t be affected much by anything that he said at all. The lack of emotional attachment honestly hurt her in a much different way than an emotionally tumultuous falling-out. She was overcome with a need for at least some kind of affirmation, and so one day she decided to finally ask the serious question. 7 She called him up on the phone with bated breath and asked a serious question. She asked him, “So, what do you think about us? What are we exactly?” He was at a loss for an appropriate response. In all honesty, he didn’t actually know what she was talking about. She went on to express just how distraught she was at their lack of communication. She said, “You never tell me how you really feel towards me. You never talk about our relationship.” It was as simple and raw as anything that she could say. She thought that her question could serve as a kindle to more intimate dialogue, but in response, he was as cold as ice. It was as if she hadn’t asked him anything at all, and in all honesty, part of her wondered if she even should have asked anything at all. With no more options left, she had no other measures than her last resort. She steeled up her resolve and she finally confessed her true, bottled-up feelings. She had been like a boiling kettle with the lid on, and within seconds, she became a completely open book. She didn’t simply stop by telling him the true nature of her feelings. She punctuated everything that she had revealed by admitting that she wants nothing less than spending the rest of her entire life with him. She could have stayed in the moment between telling him and hearing his response forever, but eventually, his response did come. His response was that he was too busy with his career. He said, 8 “I don’t think this is the right time.” She had finally gotten the closure that she had been seeking, though it hadn’t been exactly what she was looking after. As a matter of fact, the conclusive answer that he had given her couldn’t have possibly been any further from what she had been waiting for. Her boiling emotional frustration was replaced with confusion. Even though he had said that he was too busy, the way that he had said it only served to raise even further questions. He had given her a solid answer, but she didn’t have a complete idea of exactly what had just happened. Once again, the days and nights became colored by a nonstop flow of mental questions. She wondered whether or not his true feelings for her were actually being stifled by a repressed fear that kept him from fully expressing them. She wondered if the reason he had denied her was actually because she asked him about it too early on, even though she’d already been waiting for it at the same time. She wondered if the true reason could actually be because he simply wasn’t the kind of man who was really built for commitment in the first place, and if she would have truly been better off leaving well-enough alone. Though she had gotten the answers to the questions that had been tormenting her for so long, they were still driving her mad without any relief. She found herself in the unenviable position of needing more answers to clarify the answers that she already had. 9 Even though she was still hurting for some legitimate answers to her questions, there was still something that she was absolutely sure of beyond any reasonable doubt in the world; she wanted to be with this guy, and she wanted to be with him badly. It was the kind of affection so full of life that it actively affirms its own existence when denied. Her feelings alone were legitimate, but she couldn’t legitimately find it within her to concede defeat. Instead of moving on, she came to the conclusion that she simply hadn’t been trying hard enough. Faced with the feeling that she just hadn’t put in enough effort, she came to the conclusion that the next logical move could only be to fully show him just how much he truly loved her. She figured that the amount of affection he showed had to have a positive relationship with her level of persistence. Her uncertainty and anxiety was replaced with dogged determination. Above all things, she was convinced that she would have to express the full degree of her love until he finally committed to her. She didn’t expect it to happen overnight, but no one could tell her that he wouldn’t eventually reciprocate her passions. Unfortunately, she would not have her way. Her new level of motivation was matched equally by the shock of what happened next. Unthinkably, he became even colder and less responsive than ever. He wasn’t even putting in the effort to be a platonic friend to her anymore. She called and filled up his answering machine relentlessly, but he was as unreachable as the Milky Way. It wasn’t as though he’d never he’d never ignored her before, 10 but this time, it seemed as though he was truly in it for the long haul. It seemed as though she was going to have to start dealing with the possibility that he would never willingly come contact with her again. It was weeks before she could actually reach him once again, but just as before, the answer she got was anything but satisfying. The only thing that she got from him was yet another stonewalling statement about his lack of time. It had been weeks without contact, and his explanation was that he’d be too busy for the next month. Try as she might to get answers out of him that were more satisfying, he just wasn’t giving her any leeway. Before she could even properly learn the details of what was keeping him so busy, he told her that he was needed elsewhere and hung up on her. She was left hanging on the phone like a lost, battered, starving traveler hanging onto the edge of a cliff. Whether or not you’ve ever been in a situation similar to this one, you’ve probably got a pretty solid idea of the sad tale’s conclusion. She would receive no form of happy ending to her struggles. The culmination of all these stories of unrequited affection tend to lead their protagonists to a collection of strikingly similar, introspective questions: Was it something that I said that drove them away? Was it something that I did that I shouldn’t have done? At what point did I go too far? 11 When did they start no longer wanting to see me? Even though these questions have echoed throughout the corridors of time in infinitum since the beginning of recorded romance, the answer that many of the leading ladies in these stories have come to, have not served as tools to solve the issues and create answers. Instead of finding a way to develop a logical answer to the questions of where their romances went wrong, many women have instead been forced to think: “I guess this is just men are like.” “Men only want one thing.“ “All men are complete jerks.” “All men are users and abusers.” “Men think that women only exist to be used”. Well, first and foremost, let’s just set the record straight – lots of men are legitimately unscrupulous, but not all men are jerks. Not all men are only after sex. Some men, in all honesty, do actually want something more than just one thing. If it were true that all men were absolutely evil and irredeemable, then there wouldn’t be any such thing as a marriage or romance that doesn’t end in divorce or betrayal. While the divorce rate may be what it is, there can be and are many committed couples that have actually managed to make a life with one another actually work. 12 In spite of the fact that there are many examples of positive relationships, we cannot truly judge many women for being driven to believe society is exclusively inhabited by men who see them nothing more than disposable objects. The picture of the man as an emotionless heartbreaker is positively burned into the modern woman’s psyche from an early age. The real issue isn’t truly that all men are out to make women confounded and sad, but rather a lack of mutual understanding. The real issue is that some women simply to not get the truth of male thought. Lots of women out there, right now, believe that all men desire the same things that they do. Without legitimately investing time into learning male thought patterns, however, these women’s beliefs in what men want are largely unfounded. Without sufficient effort put into learning, there can be no hope of understanding. There is absolutely no logic in repeating the exact same plan, over again, while expecting a different result every time; that is the true definition of insanity. Many women subject themselves the same cycle of confusion and rejection without learning from their mistakes, sometimes multiple times in the same calendar year. A lot of women are forced to realize the futility of their efforts with a painful rejection, but occasionally, other women actually do manage to acquire the relationships they were after with men who emotionally neglected them before. The fact that they got the relationship they sought out, however, does not guarantee their happy ending. A relationship does not transform an emotionally neglectful, inconsiderate 13 man into a paragon of affection of love. These men will oftentimes be just as void of nurture as before, and the relationship will exacerbate the issue by creating a sense of expectation and trapping the woman into a trap of her own feelings of obligation and false security. A woman who has resigned to an abusive relationship has an even worse lot than the women who simply get rejected and are forced to move on. She is taken advantage of, lied to, chronically unanswered, miserable, and yet unable to let go of what she spent so many nights staying up at night hoping to have. One of the worst positions that a woman can put herself in is one where she allows a terrible reality to masquerade as the realization of her fantasy, giving her an almost masochistic pattern of dependence on a person that hurts and distress her. The answer to these gravely unfortunate circumstances is simple: it’s just a matter of understanding. Women who understand the ways that men think will be far less likely to make things worse for themselves. Just one level gained in understanding can open the door to emotional salvation and romantic satisfaction. The first step towards complete understanding isn’t always fun, but it’s necessary. The first step to fully understanding anything is disillusionment. You need to weed out the misunderstanding before the full, enlightening understanding can have enough room to flourish. Simply put, you need to let go of what you think you know in order to truly know. 14 The first thing you need to stop believing is that you can make a man like you just by confessing your affection. You need to separate yourself from the idea that, with enough persistence, you can simply convince a man to like you more than he does by not knowing when to stop. Even if many people typecast men as being the more inherently aggressive sex, no member of either gender is attracted to ceaseless desperation. By simply pursuing and pursuing without ever relenting, all you’re really going to is make the man care for you less. He might be concerned for you, but concern is not affection. It may be hard for some to swallow, but if you relentlessly go after someone who isn’t giving you the slightest sign that they’re fully interested in starting something with you, then you’re truly not all that much better than a man who doesn’t bother to emotionally communicate. In both scenarios, there’s a lack of consideration. In this book, we’re going to thoroughly cover the process of reaching a state where none of the aforementioned circumstances ever have to happen to you again. By the end of this book, if you are fully committed, you will be more wise and empowered with relationship intuition than the majority of society. Before we really cut down to substantial stuff, however, you must not go forth without being prepared to learn. Being prepared to learn takes more than just wanting to learn something brand new. If you really want to be prepared to learn, you’ve got to see to it that your disbelief is suspended. Some of these concepts may seem a bit unconventional at first 15 glance, but the fact that they aren’t well-known makes it a bit easier to understand just why so many people struggle with unrequited love in the first place. Skepticism and overconfidence in what you believe you already know will stifle the learning process and potentially cheat you out of something great, so before moving forward, see to it that you’re ready to take everything mentioned with an open mind. Once you’re ready to mentally digest things that may at first feel slightly alien to you, you’ll instantly be more prepared to actually try them out. You may come across things you actually do already know, but all the same, it is essential that you read through everything as though you’re just hearing it for the very first time. Every section of this book serves as the bedrock for the next, so do your best not to skip ahead to get this done faster. If you want to share the rest of your life with someone, then the time it will take to read through this book shouldn’t be all that demanding in comparison! Finally, you must be prepared to have every single thing you learn be honestly practiced. The purpose of learning is to apply your knowledge, so it’s imperative that you take the lessons learned here as a call to action. Doing things without knowing how is infinitely worse than simply lacking the knowledge; the opposite, then, is infinitely better. When you embrace a willingness to admit that you can know more than you do, you free yourself from a trait that handicaps far too many people and stunts their potential. It isn’t weakness to admit that you can learn more; if anything, it’s the first step to acquiring strength and happiness. 16 If you want to become a true master at all that is offered here, keep a steady finger on that mental trigger that compels you to enthusiastically act upon what you analyze. Let your actions be in-sync with your understanding, and as your understanding grows, so will the effectiveness of your actions. Uninformed denial will bring you nothing, but informed action will bring you everything. So, without further ado, let’s move to the first section and start getting you properly informed. 17 Section 1 - Seldom-Known Secrets of the Male Psyche: This is How Men Really Think! This section goes out to every single woman who’s ever confided in a friend that they just don’t “get” men. This is dedicated to any woman who has ever said or maybe even just thought to herself that understanding men is “impossible”. This is for all of the women who have ever even thought that learning how a man thinks is “too hard”. Let me assure you of something: understanding how men think is not as difficult as climbing Mount Everest. Understanding how men think is not as difficult as completing a triathlon. Understanding a man is highly likely to be less difficult than the most difficult thing that you’ve ever had to do in your life. Just because so many women constantly have problems with the men in their lives doesn’t mean that understanding men is necessarily hard; it just means that a lot of women haven’t yet had the privilege of learning the easy steps to understanding men better. The key here isn’t necessarily to uncover some extremely obscure secret about the male brain. The most important thing to take away from this is the truth of how a man’s thought process differs from a woman’s thought process. Lots of people misunderstand the truth of communication and compromise. While it’s helpful to find common ground that you and your partner can use to relate to one another, what’s often overlooked is the importance of establishing what isn’t held in common and learning how to manage the differences instead of 18 denying them. Learning the intrinsic emotional dissimilarities between you and the man you’re interested in will make you far less susceptible to becoming emotionally compromised when the two of you aren’t communicating as effectively as you’d like. Where most will be frustrated, you will instead have constructive perspective. Of course this isn’t to say that you and other women aren’t already aware of some of the more easily observed differences, but it’s not only the obvious differences that we’re looking to focus on here. We want to know how the subtle differences produce the dramatically different ways that men go about doing things. You may be aware of one or more things that we cover in relation to the things that divide male and female thought patterns, but when you’re finished reading through the section, you’ll be better at seeing how these differences produce the habits that drive us crazy and leave us confused. You may have been in a situation like this before: you’re trying to explain something to a man that really couldn’t be any simpler, and yet try as you might, he just doesn’t seem to be getting any closer to understanding you. It may have seemed like you would have been better off trying to teach him the grammar of a dead language. Naturally, you’re frustrated at the end of the less-than- successful conversation. Even if he did put in some effort to comprehend what you were telling him, chances are that he’s not in the best mood when you’re overtly displeased at his lack of full comprehension. The two of you are irritated and confused with each other. 19 Now, imagine how much easier it would be if there were a way that you could just have everything that you say be automatically and instantly run through a filter that translates it to “guy” before it hits his ears. You’d be able to say anything you wanted, and he’d understand it due to hearing it in his own language. We presently lack the technology to have such a marvelous thing mass-produced on the market, but believe it or not, we don’t even need anything like that in the very first place. With just a bit more insight into male psychology, you’ll have what you need to effortlessly convert your words into an effective man-brain-friendly design. You may or may not have heard of a method that’s called expedient means. Expedient means is a method that many teachers utilize in order to better communicate more abstract concepts to their students. The method operates by using a language or approach that the listener is familiar with in order to foster a more effective level of communication. You may not be trying to teach your man a complex algorithm, but by learning the fundamental keystones of the male psychological complex, you can be on your way to communicating much more effectively. You won’t have to worry as much about what you say being misinterpreted or blatantly misunderstood. The first thing that you need to understand is the main cognitive divide between the intrinsic of males and females in general: 20 Men are more prone to logical analyses and judgments based rationale, whereas women possess much more creative and emotional intuition. In the simplest terms, a man is much more likely to approach problems with a strictly logical frame of mind, while women are far more likely to probe the emotional aspects. We can observe how thoroughly this subtle but significant difference in cognition permeates social interactions observed between the genders on a daily basis. There are certainly statistical outliers and anomalies to serve as exceptions, but we cannot deny the historically observable dichotomy between the cognition of the sexes. Women are far more likely to share and discuss topics that aren’t objectively present or urgent. The act of communication itself serves as a medium through which women are able to deepen the breadth of their emotional connections with one another. Because women are naturally endowed with a heightened level of emotional intuition, they naturally ascribe a higher level of importance to anything that can be perceived as consolidating bonds; this is the reason why women are more likely than men to call one another up for no other special occasion than to talk. Men, however, are notably less prone to small talk. Because men have a lower propensity towards discussing things that aren’t of immediate or urgent concern, they do not ascribe as much value to the concept of small talk. Knowing this, it isn’t all that difficult to see how the fundamentally different social prioritizations of the male and female brain can manifest into legitimate conflict when a man 21 and woman commit to being in one another’s private company for an extended period of time. Oftentimes, a woman will express frustration at the fact that is seems as though her man is utterly uninterested in what she has to share with him. In truth, it won’t be due to the fact that he is legitimately belittling something that he knows she believes to be is important. When tensions are running high in the midst of a couple’s argument, it’s not uncommon for things to get exaggerated. In most cases, it’s not entirely true that the man never listens to a thing that his significant other is saying; it is often merely the fact that he is unaware of the importance that his woman attributed to the conversation. The source of couple’s arguments about an issue having to do with listening is a mutual lack of understanding of one another. Beyond simply misunderstanding one another as individuals, many romantically involved men and women suffer from a lack of enlightenment about the specific nuances that exist between how men and women think as a whole. The common error committed by men and women alike in relationships is to make the assumption that men and women think identically. Because they are unenlightened to the heterogeneous nature of male and female thought processes, their ability to empathize with one another is significantly stunted. The reality of the matter is deeper than a question of a man’s ability to simply listen to what a woman says. Even if her words 22 are heard as clearly as a bell, the man’s mental infrastructure dictates how the strongly and effectively the meaning those words will register. The Energy for Emotional Introspection In truth, the man’s lesser powers of emotional intuition make it far more challenging for him to probe the full depths of their emotions. Women, on the other hand, are endowed with a wider emotional palette and superior threshold for experiencing and embracing their feelings. It is because of the difference in emotionally introspective powers that men aren’t observed crying as openly at events that make women cry more often. It is important to understand that a lack of tears is not an indication of strength, nor is it a sign of apathy. The level of emotional maturity and inner security required to embrace one’s feelings deeply enough to cry openly is very real. It can even be said that crying openly may, on occasion, require an even greater reservoir of inner strength than what is required to deny the existence of one’s sadness and hold them in. When we observe the social stigma attributed to men crying openly, which has origins based in the significantly misguided popular perception of emotional strength, it becomes easier to understand why so many men appear to be as emotionally reserved as they are. Many men are legitimately apprehensive about embracing their own feelings, though they may not fully understand it themselves, let alone openly admit to it if they’re consciously aware of their fear. 23 Plenty of women have a misunderstanding of the social conundrum that men face regarding emotional expression, which can lead to them getting their feelings hurt for the wrong reasons – this is where they starting throwing unfair accusations. The woman may mistakenly accuse the man of simply lacking sensitivity, while the frustrated man may make the counter- accusation that the woman is choosing to superimpose things that aren’t important. Now we’re going to pull back from the differences between men and women for a moment to take a look at where the commonalities across gender lines lye. Ironically, the differences between the values that men and women tend to capitalize upon serve as the foundation for something that they actually hold in common. Both genders, in their fundamentally different perspectives towards emotional fulfillment and logical practicality, are engaging in the pursuit of what is essentially a type of personal ideal. Personal Connections and Independent Power Women thrive on the intimacy of personal connections, while men are more empowered by their sense of independence. Intimacy, independence, emotional warmth and self-sufficiency; you would be hard-pressed to find anyone who would actually identify any of these things as negative values. Just about everyone would see the ability to generate positive relationships and the ability to effectively survive on one’s own as highly 24 valuable and desirable qualities. It is in the common pursuit of these highly positive and yet occasionally contradictory ideals that the turbulence between male and female attitudes is born. It is also for this reason that men often find it more difficult to fully subscribe to the idea of committing to their partner for life. Until there is an extremely powerful and gut-wrenching compulsion to settle down, a man will find himself constantly torn between the validity of his feelings and the security in his own independence. Essentially, the man may feel like commitment will trap him in a precarious position. He may feel that allowing himself to place his sense of stability and potential livelihood at the mercy of another person may jeopardize his independence. The reason that so many men are so strongly protective of their independence is due to the fact that the feeling of control validates them. You’ve probably witnessed firsthand what happens when a fiercely-independent man believes he’s being told what he can and cannot do. The extensive lengths that men will go to in order to protect their free-will have caused countless avoidable conflicts, some far more severe than others. For many men, the ability to directly control and affect their present circumstances is a direct marker of intrinsic value. Many men see the ability to take charge of their lives with no help as the pinnacle of what is means to be a man; it is for this reason that so many men value strength as much as they do. 25 Because of how much gravity the concept of independence carries with so many men, it isn’t surprising that men are seldom-seen openly sharing the things that are challenging them. To complain would mean to risk being perceived as weak and less capable of taking care of himself by his peers, signaling a blow to his value. The lengths that men will go to for the purpose of hiding the fact that they’re struggling with a problem can escalate the problem to the point of being downright counterproductive, but they’ll see it as a necessary evil. Women, on the other hand, are less unafraid to openly seek out counsel and sanctuary when they are faced with a situation that they can’t handle on their own. They will freely discuss the nature of things that challenge them without the same fear for their own autonomy that men experience. The man’s drive for independence and the woman’s willingness to seek out assistance are not inherently destructive all on their own. Relationships, however, introduce the potential for tension to develop because of the man woman’s differing perspectives on personal value. When a man and woman have committed to spending great amounts of time in one another’s private company, we observe the clash between these opposing attitudes towards asking for help. The situation that best illustrates this conflict is one that most people are familiar with; it’s the timeless scenario in which a couple has become lost on the road. The woman will insist that the man simply asks for instructions and be done with it, and the man will adamantly refuse. 26 The woman is dumbfounded and frustrated at why the man seems to be so unreceptive to a harmless and practical suggestion, unaware that the man takes her insistence that he ask for help as a blow to his independence and competence. A man growing frustrated at a woman urging him to ask for directions can be accurately compared to scenario in which a woman is frustrated at a man’s disinterest in small talk. The man and woman’s mutual lack of understanding about the fundamental differences between gender-specific perceptions of independence and emotional value will put the couple in a precarious situation that escalates slowly but surely. The minor conflicts will have time to swell and fester until a violent explosion. Though your intentions may be honestly good when you offer him help, if you’re not sensitive to the way that he may interpret the nature of you offering help, you might risk making things worse. He may put on a tough front, but you can’t neglect the state of his self-esteem. Later on in this book, I’m going to thoroughly cover how you can offer advice to your man without immediately putting him on his guard. Now that we’ve dispelled the common illusions about male and female patterns of thought that allow so many people to initiate destructive relationships, we can discuss matters that will lead you towards building far more constructive and understanding relationships. Please recall when I stressed the importance of keeping an open mind, as what I’m about to share with you next may require some thinking outside of the box. 27 Fact Number One: The ways that men behave around you will be based on your behavior around them. Believe it or not, men learn the ways to conduct themselves around women based on how the women around them are acting. It isn’t to say that you hold all of the responsibility for how all man conduct themselves around you, but it’s imperative that you are completely aware of this dynamic. You may not be responsible for how every man acts around you, but you do have an indisputable level of control over how you choose to conduct yourself around the men you spend time with. If you constantly get sexually involved with men of certain kind of character, then eventually, you’re going to begin to give off signs that indicate your receptiveness to that kind of character. You may be thinking that your initial impression of someone was far too positive for something to be fundamentally wrong with them, but never let this lead you to turn a blind eye towards something they do that is out of line. The more that you condone disrespectful behavior, the more you’ll seem as though you encourage it. You will essentially be psychologically conditioning the men around you to see you as a person that doesn’t mind being disrespected. Even when nothing at all is actually being said, men are constantly analyzing women around them (including you), based on the most subtle behaviors and movements. There is no denying, then, that staying with a man who has been unfaithful to you is a crucial sign of permissiveness that opens 28 to floor to all kinds of other offenses. It’s an unfortunate situation, but the truth is that plenty of women in abusive relationships are living trapped in prisons of their own design. Their heightened emotional intuition will essentially be working against them, compelling them to seek out the fulfillment of intimacy even at the cost of serious abuse. Unless you break behaviors that train men to disregard your right to respect, you will never escape the infinite loop of abuse that ruins the lives of intelligent but misguided women on a daily basis. Fact Number 2: Changes in your circumstances must be preceded by a fundamental change within yourself. There once was a millionaire who was constantly bothered by unrelenting pain in his eyes. The professionals gave him tons of drugs, but he the ache never subsided. With no other person to turn to, the millionaire sought out the advice of a monk. The monk advised the millionaire to focus on only green colors. In response, the millionaire hired painters to coat everything in his sight in a thick layer of green. He even had servants pour buckets of green paint on his red clothing. When he monk visited the millionaire and saw the mess of things, he couldn’t help but laugh. He told the millionaire and his servants that a pair of green-tinted sunglasses could have easily accomplished the same effect without any of the mess. The moral of this story is that changing your perspective must always be prioritized over attempting to change everything but yourself. 29 Do not attempt to change men. Change the way that you look at men with the power of enlightening, gender-centric knowledge. New knowledge will enhance the clarity of your view into the male psyche, allowing you to be a more skilled judge of character. When you alter the way that you perceive the men around you by truly studying their psychology, you will be granted with the key to a brand new dimension of understanding, intimacy, and attraction. Fact Three: There will always be the chance of you and your man wanting completely different things. Never forget this: most relationships die due to the fact that the couple fails to appreciate the differences in their wants and needs. They get so caught up in their own first-person mental narrative that they miss out on half of the entire picture, which is the half that is composed of their partner’s unique desires and experiences. Do not let the length of the relationship lure you into a false sense of security. There are couples that remain happily married for decades before experiencing an unexpected disagreement and falling apart due to a lack of preparation to make sense of it or compromise. You must be receptive to the ever-present reality of a clash of interest between you and your man. Release all of your assumptions and expectations about what you think your man or any other man might want or need, and instead commit yourself to observing and preparing for potential conflicts. 30 Fact Four: Commitment is difficult for men. We may not like it, but we do ourselves no favors at all by denying it; commitment is no easy task for most men. It’s a massive decision. As explained in the earlier sections, a man’s sense of independence and control is of sacred importance to him. Serious relationships require a legitimate degree of faith in that which cannot be directly controlled. Naturally, a man will have to think long and hard about the prospect of sacrificing total power over every aspect of his life in order to permanently give a piece of his precious personal power to you. It may not make total sense to all women, but the faster you accept it, the easier it will be for you and your man. A long waiting period doesn’t mean that commitment will never actually happen. In the later sections, we’ll be going over some handy techniques that you can use to naturally expedite the process of a man choosing to commit to you! Now, if you are fully prepared to cast aside your prior assumptions and make the fundamentally positive changes to your level of understanding, you’re prepared to start making positive fundamental changes to your entire love life. Let me show you how to use this empowering enlightenment to your best advantage. 31 Section 2 - Powerful Emotional Triggers to Entrance Any Man. To start this section off, I’d just like to share a personal story with you that might help you get the right kind of perspective for what we’re about to cover. Just a few years ago, there was this girl that I really liked. She wasn’t just good-looking, she was positively drop-dead gorgeous. To me, she was the ultimate portrait of what people mean to portray when they say “hard to get”. Now don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t a characteristically “shy” guy. I was confident and extroverted enough to strike up a conversation with just about anyone without feeling much anxiety at all. For some reason, however, she made me feel much different than anyone else usually did. My normal confidence seemed to melt into jelly every time she came around. I had plenty of opportunities to go over to her and talk, but something in the pit of my stomach kept holding me back from what should have been effortless. To say that I was anxious about going up to her and talking to her was an understatement. It was as if her presence could shut down my boldness like an emergency power switch. I’m not proud of it, but it took me months before I was finally able to build up the courage to approach her for a simple conversation. I had no idea what to expect, but I couldn’t let another opportunity to talk to get go by. Miraculously, we hit it off far better than I anticipated. After that first conversation between us, we started to spend an increasing amount of time with one another. 32 I became exponentially more comfortable around her, worlds apart from when I hadn’t yet managed to even introduce myself. I came to the realization that she was far more to me than just a pretty face across the room. This girl that I’d been too nervous to even make small talk with for months was everything that a red-blooded man could want. I couldn’t believe that I hadn’t decided to introduce myself sooner. As more time went by, however, I realized that something slightly peculiar was happening. Though my attraction to her had initially skyrocketed, I was starting to feel my attraction to her wane. I couldn’t identify any specific reason for it, but somehow, it seemed as though my interest in her was actually dying off at a gradual rate. The butterflies that used to materialize in my stomach at the very notion of speaking with her were long- gone. I didn’t even feel the same level of excitement at seeing her anymore. There had been times when I had actually lost sleep because of how badly I wanted to talk to her, but eventually, those nights became nothing more than a distant memory. Instead of wondering how I could have waited so long to meet this fantastic woman, I was wondering just what had attracted me to her so powerfully in the very first place. Keep in mind, it’s not as though I was actively trying to let go of what I had felt for her in the beginning. Lots of guys go through phases of intentional “detoxificiation” to get over their feelings for a girl they want nothing to do with anymore, but this was not my objective. For some inexplicable reason, I was gradually and naturally growing disenchanted with what used to be one of the most 33 enchanting women that I’d ever laid eyes on before. If anything, I was trying to convince myself that I in-fact did still feel things for her that I did before. I was almost like I was internally chanting to myself to preserve the feelings within that were fizzling out. “This is the perfect girl for me”, I thought to myself. “She is the one that I have always wanted to be with”, I said to myself over and over again. I thought that I could re-summon the feelings that I used to have with enough effort, but it was for naught. The inner desire that I formerly had for her was completely wiped out, and I was left with nothing but a serious feeling of confusion as to how in the world it had actually happened. The disappearance of my affection wasn’t the only strange thing that happened, however; it was only the beginning. As I came to terms with the fact that my attraction for her had mysteriously fizzled out, I observed a peculiar change in her behavior as it happened. I saw that the more I pulled away from her, the more she would actually push herself towards me. The less affectionate that I became, the more effort she would put into making me happy. I felt like I was in a different dimension. Just a couple months prior, I hadn’t even had the nerve to ask this girl what her name was. Now, I was actually making an effort to spend less time with her as her advances towards me became increasingly intense and effortful. She went farther than extra mile to do things for me, and while I legitimately appreciated it, I couldn’t successfully pretend as though it actually made my former feelings for her return to what they once were. 34 I’ll spare you the details of exactly what happened after that, but to make a long story short, we broke things off within months. A one-sided relationship can only last so long. Fast-forward just a couple of months into the future, and I came across another girl that grabbed my attention. There’s something important to clarify here, before I talk about this second girl: I did not find her as physically attractive as I had the first girl, but it didn’t actually matter. I was even more attracted to her. This girl that I met months after my breakup was always on my mind after we met. The most accurate and eloquent way to put it is that she drove me crazy. My friends were at as much of a loss to understand it as I was at a loss to explain it. The only way that I could answer their questions about the source of my feelings for her was, “She’s different.” Sometimes, a person’s appeal can be based almost entirely in the almost mystifying quality of their sheer otherness. Their qualities, whatever they may be, strike you as so unique that it’s impossible not to be captivated. Well, have you ever heard the saying, “History may not repeat itself, but it rhymes?” I felt more attraction for this girl than the level of attraction that the girl I’d broken up with felt for me, and guess what happened? She broke it off with me after only a few months into our budding relationship. Of course I was anything but happy about what had happened, but there was a silver lining in the dark cloud. After some time had passed, I found that being dumped had just so happened to lead me to one of the most vital bits of wisdom I’ve ever attained about the laws of attraction and relationships in general. 35 Funnily enough, having to experience the person I’d been incredibly attracted to kick me to the curb actually led me to achieving some seriously legitimate insight. I understood just why I had suddenly stopped feeling a high level of attraction towards the first girl that I’d become infatuated with, and why the second girl had cut me loose. While it had all been awfully confusing at first, I came to realize the existence of an easily discernible pattern beneath what had initially seemed inexplicable. With the knowledge of this concept, I realized the secret to maintaining a consistent level of mutual affection in a relationship without the risk of deterioration. I can say with the utmost confidence that if you can take this concept to heart, then you are already halfway towards being just as successful with men as you want to be. In the simplest terms, what we’re going to be covering here is nothing more than the simple chemistry underlining that funny thing called “attraction”. The Attraction Analysis The first thing that we all need to understand about attraction is that, contrary to what some people might believe, attraction is not a choice. Men and women can declare all of the standards that they please, but at the end of the day, there is absolutely nothing that we can do to alter what naturally tickles our hormones. Every man occasionally comes across a female that he just can’t explain, for the life of him, why she’s able to so effortlessly set his nerves on fire. For every man, there are certain women out there who are able to take the form of his greatest weakness and utterly destroy his cool with absolutely no effort at all. 36 Some of these women may be social butterflies that can strike up conversations and set hearts alight like matches, leaving a trail of hot and bothered masses behind them like a trail of sexually frustrated fire. For some other men, the woman that captivates may not even need to be all that extroverted. The woman may be as quiet as a blade of grass, and yet all the same, she will somehow have that certain something that gives her the power make him feel his heart skip a beat for absolutely no reason at all. Whether they’re thrill-seeking adventurers or introverted book- lovers, certain women have the uncanny power to make waves of men obsess over them for reasons that have nothing to do with how they look. Some of these women may still be quite gorgeous, but the allure of an invisible element will overshadow even their physical attractiveness. Transcending the Touchable Believe it or not, when you really get down to it, attraction is actually not solely dictated by a person’s physical allure. Attraction can certainly be enhanced and augmented by a pretty face and a rocking body, but at the end of the day, it transcends the things that can only be appreciated by the eyes. The issue that many women have is that they’re only really getting half of the big picture. Instead of understanding that attraction is more than only skin-deep, they invest all of their points into looking like a supermodel; it gets them results, but usually, it’s not the kind of attention that they’re legitimately after. Many women are truly after the feeling of actually being committed to and wanted for what they are as people, beyond the foundation they lay down upon their skin. Unfortunately, circumstances may lead these women to believing that only 37 what they have to offer physically can draw in the kind of emotional warmth they seek. If you want to really experience the kind of wholesome connection that’s born out of a legitimate, metaphysical kind of attraction, then I’ve got good news for you; it is entirely possible to learn how to trigger this attraction by default, whenever you please. Once you learn how to trigger the attraction that makes men experience a gravitational pull that’s beyond physicality, your work is essentially all done. All it takes is the initial spark of that first spike of legitimate, raw attraction to set a man onto his internal drive to win you over. To put it simply, he will be almost always at the mercy of his impulses to pursue you. On the other side of the same coin, you can be confident that a man who is repulsed by you will scarcely hide his lack of willingness to be near you. With a deeper understanding of the nature of attraction, you’ll keep yourself from misreading a signal and mistakenly believing that an uninterested man has feelings for you. Now keep in mind, should this technique be successful, you will have awakened a degree of tenacity within the man that he himself may even find surprising. Before you commit to learning how to pull the trigger of emotional stimulus, you should be fully prepared to deal with the full effects of its potential power. Now you could probably already gather this from what we’ve just gone over at length, but just to reiterate in the most concise and effective way, attraction is truly a subconscious phenomenon. With a little bit of practice, however, you can learn to manually control the intensity of the attraction that a guy feels towards you. 38 All that you have to do to awaken a guy’s attraction towards you, with minimal effort, is to integrate a few minor adjustments into your character. There is a reason why I have chosen to say “integrate adjustments” instead of “changes”. If I were to advise you to legitimately –change- your personality, then I would be asking you to do something fundamentally superficial and unfounded. All that I’d be doing is leading you down to the path to being dishonest with yourself, which will lead to overcompensation and a false sense of confidence. Even though men may not be as naturally emotionally intuitive as women are, they are entirely capable of picking up on a person who’s trying too hard to be something that they’re not. You won’t be able to keep the façade of your persona with exaggerated changes in your normal behavior, and it will be all- too-obvious. When you instead make the effort to integrate behaviors into your behavior, however, the result is far more seamless and less personally jarring. Instead of forcing yourself to act in a way that’s different from your normal personality, you are instead going to gradually integrate the most attractive exemplifications of your true self into your everyday conduct. You will be essentially be radiating with the full luster of your natural value, and without even being aware of it, men that you come across will be subtly but decisively effected by the influence of your inner brilliance. When your innermost contents are exemplified to a degree leaves an impression even deeper than the clothes people wear to get compliments, you’ll absolutely marvel at just how substantial the changes can be in a startlingly short amount of time. 39 Now, before we cut down into the even deeper science of what these this kind of power implies, I must reiterate a few important points: -No matter how much they may assert the contrary, men cannot and will not control who they are honestly attracted to. The more that a man actually tries to deny the true nature of his affections, the more likely he’ll be to succumb to them in the long run. -In the same fashion, men cannot control who they aren’t attracted to any better than they can control who they actually are attracted to. -Affection is something that happens at the tail-end of what can be a lightning-quick chain reaction of stimuli and behaviors. Whether intentionally or subconsciously, the little innocuous things that we do and say on a daily basis are constantly enacting these little chain reactions in everyone around us. Now that we’ve gone over the essential details of what regulates legitimate attraction, we can start discussing the specific behaviors proven to trigger the kind of attraction that we’ve been discussing so far. It’s not at all a complicated list of things that need to be remembered. The behaviors that universally foster attraction in other people are the keystones of just about every quality or achievement that any person desires, regardless of their personality and occupation. The behaviors that have been proven to generate attraction are: 1. Exclusivity 40 2. Unpredictability 3. Emotional Maturity 4. The presence of standards and boundaries 5. A level of demand Exclusivity When it comes to what makes a person appear desirable, one indispensable quality is just how valuable it feels to be spending time with that person when you actually get the chance. A person who is perpetually easy to get a hold of won’t seem like a challenge, which will make the great volume of time to see seem them appear less valuable. The way we are programmed simply makes us prone to mostly want the things that we can’t have easily. This constant hunger for all that which eludes us is a vital element of what characterizes the entire human race. Women who aren’t constantly available to get in contact, therefore, will always appear to be of a slightly higher natural intrinsic quality. Unpredictability The amount of accuracy with which we can predict an event can be considered the container of information that we can “access” about anything or anyone at any given moment in time. As we’ve just asserted that accessibility has a negative relationship with desirability, it’s easy to see how things with a less accessible amount of information that could be potentially used to “predict” them can seem more valuable by default. 41 Even being in the presence of an unpredictable person doesn’t offer a wealth of ability to predict their next move or thought; a full understanding of them will be like a rare commodity that you may wonder if anyone really possesses. Unpredictable women captivate men because they are difficult to access even mentally, teasing the man’s thoughts to an even higher degree in her physical absence. She may either be available in the next hour, or not for several weeks. Her exclusivity will be enhanced twofold, and the man’s attraction will be powerfully augmented by anxious uncertainty in his heart. Emotional Maturity The emotionally mature women will be far less likely to make herself impractically available at all times to men she is interested in. She is secure enough to not be bothered or express great displeasure with being unable to see people that she wants to when she does initiate a plan that falls through. Her cool acceptance of time spent alone and ability to embrace an independent a wholly lifestyle will make her immediately appear more valuable, impressive, less accessible, and more attractive to all men. The presence of standards and boundaries A woman who truly finds her own time important will not neglect the power to set up barriers to predict it; doing such is a sign of emotional maturity and exclusivity. Boundaries will create challenges that all interested men will have to attempt bypassing if they really want to be with her, increasing the incentive value. 42 A Level of Demand When men get the sense that other men find a woman irresistible, they will feel all the more affected by her low accessibility. They will have to deal with the fact that there might be multiple other men with whom she has chosen to share her time, and this fact will drive them to higher levels of desire to get another chance. When a man thinks that a woman is desired by a lot of other men, he’ll project everything that he likes about her onto the desires of the unknown hypothetical men he imagines spending time with her in his absence; it will magnify his desires once again. When a woman is relatively inaccessible and apparently in high demand with many other men, the effect can be even further enhanced if she doesn’t rush into a physical relationship. You won’t have the man instantly getting everything he wants and then wondering what to do next. He will be forced to appreciate the other things about you or give up, which gives you one less thing cluttering who and what is really important. Maintaining a constant aura of uncertainty, exclusivity, maturity and desirability about you is the essence of what it means to be termed a truly attractive, high-value female. You should never give up all your cards by showing too much interest, but you should also take care not to show so little interest that it makes the man think there’s no point to getting involved at all. 43 Section 3 - The Invisible Trap: How to Avoid it Before it’s Too Late. Have you ever been around a guy that just possesses the most uncanny ability to sweep you off your feet and into the wind like a dandelion petal? Do you know or have you ever known someone who legitimately makes you think about whether or not you’ve discovered your “soulmate”? If you’ve ever met this person, have you ever had to deal with all your friends telling you that getting involved with him would be an awful idea? Have you ever waged a war against all of your friends’ advice and your own common sense at the same time, and won? If you won, was it really a victory in the end, considering the results that followed? There are thousands of things that may make you question whether the victory of your new relationship was really a victory or not. Weeks or maybe even just days into it, you may start to realize things that legitimately make you start seeing inconsistencies between what you thought you found and what is there. The things that made you happy will start to flicker and fade out of focus like a holographic image losing power, and what you see in-between those flickers may appear to be something you actually don’t care for at all. You may start to realize that the person you thought was supposed to be a source of continual happiness is, in reality, a source of profound vexation. You might be dumbstruck at the 44 fact that you get the opposite of every feeling that you fully expect to experience. You may realize that your perfect boyfriend is, in all honesty, a perfect jerk; and not in the way that sets your heart aflutter like a schoolgirl that’s smitten with the bad boy getting kicked out of class. You might find instead that your boyfriend is actually more like the kind of jerk that just makes you wish you could be somewhere else. What is it that keeps so many women constantly falling into the same old trap? It’s almost like there’s some kind of reality distortion field that separates intelligent women from their own common sense when affection enters the picture. You may give yourself even more decent advice than you actually receive, which is already a lot, and yet somehow still wind up wondering where you went wrong again. You could find yourself in this situation multiple times within the same year, and truthfully, you wouldn’t be anywhere near alone in your plight. Tons of women make the mistake of trying to form the perfect relationship out of what is seemingly just thin air. They make the mistake of just expecting too much too soon, and invariably, they are punished for their over zealousness in the end. While we can’t just completely disregard the need for at least some personal accountability in this situation, it needs to be understood that a strong level of attraction can legitimately be compared to a narcotic drug for what it can do to a person. Whenever you act under the influence of nothing other than the strength of your affection, you could legitimately compare it to acting under the effect of alcohol. You may feel as though 45 you’re the one in control, and you may feel a great and almost atypical level of self-confidence. You’ll be flying blind with the illusion of perfect vision, never actually seeing the situation for what it really is until you’ve crashed headfirst into the wall of reality. As soon as you make the collision, you’ll immediately feel the collective impact of everything about them that bothers you that you’ve suppressed. Before that sobering crash actually happens, though, you’ll be so wrapped up in the fabric of what you’re feeling that it will actually seem as though their flaws are good qualities. You’ll unconsciously grasp at the thinnest straws that may lead to good interpretations of objectively bad things that they have done or said. Let’s look at an extremely common example of this dynamic that can shed additional light on the matter. A woman is with a new guy that seems just about untarnished in every single way, only with the stipulation that it seems as though everybody besides her finds it hard to stand the guy for more than five minutes at a time. Before her disillusionment, many a woman will defend the sanctity of their delusions to what can be a startling extent. If they don’t outright deny the possibility of certain flaws in their men, they will come up with no shortage of half-explanations and logical leaps in order to justify plain rudeness and betrayal. Have you ever heard a theory that compares the effects of perfect weather to thundering rainstorm? Even though perfect weather doesn’t introduce nearly as many physical detriments as a raging storm, this doesn’t guarantee safety. 46 Crisp air and sunlight can actually endanger people in the realm of their false sense of security. While the weather itself may not be fatal to experience all on its own, its pleasantness may lead to people letting their guards down and feelings of lessened inhibition. In this state, people are less perceptive of subtly negative stimuli and may exhibit a heightened proclivity to get involved in situations or accidents that may have been avoided with some additional caution. While it may not always be pleasant, fear can act a kind of warning that prevents the consequences of carelessness. Why is this ‘perfect weather’ delusion so addicting in a destructive relationship? It’s addictive because it massages your pleasure receptors and takes away your attention from everything else. It’s like a painkiller that gives you waves of euphoria without actually removing the source of the pain itself. So long as you rely on nothing but the painkiller, you’ll never get rid of the pain itself. You’ll become gradually less affected by the euphoria, slowly feeling more and more pain, but all the while getting increasingly addicted to your indulgence all the same. It goes without saying, then, that getting involved with a man without taking some time to question your own affections can easily be a recipe for failure if you aren’t careful. Men themselves are far less likely to begin a relationship based on nothing other an attraction alone. Men need a good reason to settle down. The lesser likelihood of men getting into a legitimate relationship out of pure attraction may be linked to their higher rate of dating around and their trouble with settling down. 47 Keeping the options open is far easier when you don’t have the same level of attraction keeping you feeling as much anchoring attachment. When faced with the realization that she is more emotionally vulnerable than her man, it isn’t uncommon for a woman to feel slightly insecure about the dynamic. She will feel as though she is fighting against the clock, constantly, counting down to the end of her relationship due to the man growing bored and leaving. If the woman doesn’t cut her losses and leave at this point out of fear, she may instead enter a state where she will go to exorbitant lengths for the sake of that which she is too afraid to let go of. As mentioned before, however, an addiction based on attraction is not at all guaranteed to last forever. Because the attraction will naturally begin to fade after a time, she will eventually find it more and more obvious that her man isn’t exactly the least flawed individual that she’s ever met. In time, the flaws will finally become obvious enough for her to see her man in the same way that her friends kept telling her that they did all along: a general jerk. She will begin to wonder what millions of women before her have wondered: How in the world did I wind up falling for this in first place? This invisible trap is not something that only one in ten women go through. More than half of all romantically active women will have, at some point, wind up getting themselves involved with somebody that makes them question their own judgment in hindsight. They will be painfully aware of their folly at first, but 48 unfortunately, this clarity is not always permanent. Much like alcohol or any other thing that evokes a psychoactive/physiological reaction, the amount of rational knowledge that you have won’t actually help you if it manages to penetrate your system. A genius that gets in a drunken stupor is no more dignified than a complete moron who gets drunk right along with them. While a person who has survived the effects of an extreme attraction may be able to learn a lesson from it, it won’t be enough unless they know how to avoid getting swept up the next time. If the warning sings aren’t actually appreciated and paid attention to, then no amount of experience with getting hurt will protect the person from getting hurt. They will trap themselves in a recurring loop of pain and befuddlement. Before you find yourself falling under the spell of the same kind of guy yet again, you need to see what it is you can identify within him as a truly positive feature before you wind up committed again. If you can build up a list of pros that actually makes sense before you fall head of over heels, you’re less likely to get burned. These are the questions that you should be asking yourself before you wind up letting your emotions take over your judgment: 1. Is he truly a high quality man? 2. Is it certain that he will make a good future mate? 3. Are we truly compatible enough to make it through anything? 49 There is absolutely no reason not to be extremely selective in this process. When you actively seek out a high quality man, you will be taking out a level of insurance for your own emotional well-being. It is always better to exercise just a little caution rather than make yourself the victim of a great, irreparable regret. If you ever feel any kind of uncertainty about the level of selectivity that I’m suggesting here, then you would do well to remember all of the days where you felt nothing but emotional stress. You need to internalize that feeling of bitterness and anguish that comes from being hurt by the wrong person that you let in, and reaffirm that conviction within you that refuses to allow you to go through that same kind of pain once again. Once you can subscribe to that adamant unwillingness to be hurt and disappointed once again, you will be well on the way to a new dimension of emotional security and fulfillment. It’s been proven with lots of study that your emotional stimuli are directly related to the parts of your nervous system that regulate pleasure and pain responses; knowing that, we can confidently assert that being “hurt” in a romance-related sense can be just as debilitating as receiving an actual blow that injures you physically. Being stuck with a person who makes you constantly emotionally hurt, then, is really just about the exact same thing as being caught in a steel trap that clamps down on your extremities. Being lost in your misguided attraction will be comparable to the feeling of being in a barren desert without any water. 50 We want to get ourselves on the path of leaving these barren emotional deserts and learning how to qualitatively assess the right paths to real romantic paradises. We need to find out how we can remotely detect things that show us high signs in other people for compatibility and long-lasting emotional prosperity. Pre-screen the guys you meet relentlessly. If you’ve got something that you’re wondering about whether or not it’s worth it to discover about a guy you’re interested in, go ahead and do what you can to analyze it or get your answer. If you’ve ever heard of the “first answer, best answer” theory applied to test taking, then you’d do very well to apply the same logic to this concept of pre-screening potential partners. Your first instinctual answer on a multiple-choice test (if you’ve actually studied), is usually the right one; second-guessing yourself will usually wind up being a bad choice. In the same vein, if a question about someone that you ask yourself gives an answer that seems negative, you may do best to listen to that internal answer. Once you’ve embraced the value of knowing how to pre-screen your man, you’ll be far less likely to wind up getting yourself trapped in the invisible trap of attraction once again. Why is it That women fall for jerks in the first place? One of the most timeless questions abounding in the world of dating is, “Why is it that so many women fall for jerks?” Another one of these timeless questions is, “Why do nice guys always seem to finish last in the end?” Believe it or not, there actually is a logical answer to this 51 question about this situation that seems to completely contradict logic altogether. Believe it or not, the truth is that many of these jerks we’ve been covering are actually very good at exuding all of the subtle traits that foster a sense of attraction inside all kinds of different women. The reason that women feel this pressing desire to be with all of these men who are so unfeeling or downright disrespectful is simple. It’s because of these men’s ability to get these women more fixated on the subtle tendrils of attraction rising up beneath their defenses that help them resist the less aggressive advances of nicer men. These emotionally void and yet seductive men are highly unlikely to settle down, if they ever do settle down at all. No matter how many high-quality women they appear to be capable of attracting, they’ll never be the kind of strong relationship material that so many women want more than anything else. I have made a point of strongly emphasizing the importance of looking beyond attraction in order to avoid falling for those who are the best at manufacturing it and deceiving women with it. If you ever feel like you might be falling for a guy just because of what he looks like, then these measures will keep you on-track. Dealing with the Pick Up Artist You may or not be completely aware of this, but there’s actually a good amount of men out there who are actually dedicated to learning how to manipulate the game of attraction to their full advantage. They call themselves “Pick Up Artists”, and they go to insane lengths to train themselves to be masters of the “game”. 52 The game is based on seeing just how many women they can get attracted to them for no other purpose than bedding them, and then moving onto the next. The emotional investment that so many women put into physical relationships will at once mean both nothing and everything to these pick-up artists. They won’t personally care about the emotional emphasis a woman will put on physicality, but they will appreciate the emotional factor for how much easier it can make their game. They’ll learn everything about a woman’s emotions with no regard for actually protecting them; they are truly only warming the iron to strike it later. Believe it or not, there are those among these types of men who love the “game” so much that they have actually gone as far as making organizations based entirely around it. For nothing more than the pastime of psychologically manipulating women for sex, these men will devote exorbitant amounts of time to learning random tricks and tactics from those in their communities that they’ve come to recognize as “masters” of the trade. The reasons for a man choosing this sort of lifestyle can vary to a great degree. Some men will do it for nothing else but the physical sensation and endorphin rush of sexual activity, while other men will do it as a kind of ego boost that enhances their feeling of self and fulfillment. While these men may not all be geniuses in an intellectual sense, it can be a bit unnerving for you and many other women to understand just how frighteningly good so many of these men are at freely switching on and off the universal triggers of emotional stimulus, 53 No matter how intelligent or powerful you are, you can’t let yourself be caught off-guard by a man who has learned the secrets of emotional stimulation and has no reservations of using it for no other purpose than getting you in bed. Have you ever been around a man just seems to have the weirdest ability to make you feel naked, even when you’re fully clothed? For some strange reason, it will seem like they’re always able to understand exactly what you’re thinking and what to day. Even while possessing a complete and sober level of control over your actions and thoughts, you will feel like this guy can somehow take away all of your control without even trying; almost as if you live more in his reality than you actually live in your own world. By the time that you realize that all he was ever after was the sex, you realize once again that you’ve been had and it’s too late. A lot of women unknowingly enter these traps by allowing a man to become “friends with benefits”, telling themselves that it makes sense because of the chance that it could develop into something significant, romantic, and exclusive. A man who is legitimately interested will never make a bunch of attempts to get physical with you right off the bat; this may be obvious, but you wouldn’t be the first to know it and yet still wind up getting played down the line. If you keep yourself from getting blinded by attraction, you’ll resist the impulse that dulls your senses and know where to draw the line. You won’t let guys take the easy road of short- term instant gratification, and long-term peace will become 54 your reality. In these upcoming sections, I’m going to cut a little bit deeper into the art of successfully weeding out the emotionally useless men from the men who are worth your time. Once you’ve learned how to thoroughly filter for the men you know are truly of high quality, you will be able to use the techniques in upcoming sections to establish powerful, long- lasting, mutually-committed relationships with them. 55 End of Trial Chapters... Obtain the Complete Program: 1 Table of Contents What is the Venus Factor ............................................................................................................................ 4 Your New Venus Family........................................................................................................................9 Balance................................................................................................................................................12 Gender Differences In Metabolism .......................................................................................................... 14 Size Difference....................................................................................................................................14 Body Composition...............................................................................................................................15 Leptin...................................................................................................................................................18 Nutrition Science ...................................................................................................................................... 24 Eat-Up Days vs Cheat Days................................................................................................................24 Disinhibited Eating – 'Good Food' vs 'Bad Food' Thinking Must Go.................................................27 Hot Button Foods................................................................................................................................30 What Should I eat?..............................................................................................................................31 Soy.......................................................................................................................................................31 Sugar....................................................................................................................................................31 Artificial Sweeteners...........................................................................................................................32 Beverages............................................................................................................................................33 Carbohydrates AKA "Carbs" - 4 calories per gram.............................................................................35 Fats - 9 calories per gram....................................................................................................................36 Protein - 4 calories per gram...............................................................................................................37 Meal Timing and Meal Frequency......................................................................................................38 Ego Depletion......................................................................................................................................40 A special note about coffee..................................................................................................................42 Calories .................................................................................................................................................... 44 Deficit vs Maintenance........................................................................................................................44 Metabolic Rates...................................................................................................................................46 Tapering Up Calories...........................................................................................................................49 Weight vs Shape ....................................................................................................................................... 51 Thinner Isn’t the Only Answer............................................................................................................53 What Determines Your Shape?............................................................................................................54 2 The Golden Proportion........................................................................................................................57 The Venus Index Measurements .............................................................................................................. 59 Ideal Waist (Height-to-Waist Ratio)....................................................................................................60 Waist-to-Hip Ratio (WHR)..................................................................................................................63 Shoulder-to-Waist Ratio......................................................................................................................65 How to Take Your Measurements.......................................................................................................67 Venus Index Measurement Example Guide........................................................................................68 Metabolic Flexibility & Adaptability..................................................................................................71 12-Week Undulating Metabolic Override Program ................................................................................. 72 Weeks 1-2 : 5 & 1 Protocol.................................................................................................................72 Weeks 3-4 : Undulation #1 - High Fat 2&1 protocol..........................................................................72 Weeks 5-6 : 5 & 1 Protocol.................................................................................................................73 Weeks 7-8 : Undulation #2 - High Protein 2&1 Protocol...................................................................73 Weeks 9-10 : 5 & 1 Protocol...............................................................................................................73 Weeks 11-12 : Undulation #3 High Carb 2&1 Protocol......................................................................74 The Venus Factor Virtual Nutritionist ...................................................................................................... 76 Using The Venus Factor Virtual Nutritionist.......................................................................................76 Inputs...................................................................................................................................................77 Outputs................................................................................................................................................78 Supplements ............................................................................................................................................ 81 References ................................................................................................................................................ 84 3 What is the Venus Factor The Venus Factor is a complete weight loss and body re-shaping system. The components that make up the entire system are as follows: 1. Main diet and weight loss manual (this document). 2. The 12-week workout system - this includes a library of instructional exercise videos and complete 12-week workout system that can be done at home or in a gym. 3. The Venus Factor Virtual Nutritionist - this is a software app that calculates your specific calorie and protein requirements for weight loss specific to your body measurements. 4. The Venus Community - A private online community exclusive for Venus Factor members only. You can meet and learn from other Venus members, start your own personal blog within the community, or just browse other members' blogs and forum for information. Your level of involvement is your choice. 5. The Venus Index Podcast - Where you can listen to other Venus members tell their weight loss success stories. Every year we host 3 transformation contests and I interview all the winners to get the real inside story on how they used the Venus Factor system to fit their life and challenges to achieve their weight loss and body shape goals. Theoretically you can lose all unwanted weight using only the dietary tools you will find here. In other words, if you never want to workout you don't really have to. However I rarely recommend this approach as your results will be both accelerated and optimized with the addition of physical activity. This is why we've included the 12-week Venus Factor workout system for you. Getting in shape, or rather, changing the size and shape of your body is a two part process. 4 Part 1 is weight loss and fat removal. This part is almost entirely dictated by your nutrition and diet. You can lose all the weight and fat that you want if you have the right dietary approach. This system provides that dietary approach not only to lose the fat but also to keep it off. This second point about 'keeping it off' cannot be stressed enough. Many different diet programs can cause temporary weight loss. However the methods of most diets is to 'crash' you into the weight loss, putting your hormonal, psychological, and physical systems out of balance which leads to a stalling of weight loss and eventual rebound weight gain. This weight regain pushes your system even further out of balance. We've studied this problem and developed a solution that allows for weight loss without crashing and most importantly without the rebound weight gain. This system should be the last one you ever need as it's designed to produce as close to permanent weight loss as possible. Part 2 is body and muscle shaping and toning. You have a unique body structure and shape that is largely determined by two factors: i) the location and amount of fat you have on your body ii) the shape and size of your muscles And, while it is true that much of your natural shape comes from your genetics much of the way you store fat and build muscle is within your control. We've already discussed that the diet portion of this system will be used to remove the fat off of your body (nutrition and diet component). The second part of this system is how you can change the shape of your body by changing the shape and tone of your muscles (workout component). Some people will remove the fat from their body and be perfectly happy with the natural shape and tone of their muscles and will not want to, or need to do any exercising for muscle tone or shape. In my experience this is less common as most women want to work on certain areas of their body. 5 The look and shape of your body is entirely within your control to change as you wish. You can take fat off where you want, and you can shape and tone any muscles you want. For example many of our past successful Venus's have lost all the body fat they wanted to lose, and then turned their focus to working on specific muscles to complement their new leaner form. Many found that they wanted to work on building their butt, and our program provides the tools to do this. Others find that once they lost their weight they needed to work on their shoulders and arms citing that they already had strong firm legs but needed their upper body to come into balance. Others still wanted a whole body workout that provides balance, shape and muscle tone to their entire figure. All cases can easily be done with this program. Overall the Venus Factor system is designed to be the simplest approach possible to achieving fat loss while also providing a workout program for developing and shaping muscle in a manner that is specific to a woman's body. A major consideration that went into the production of this program was practicality. In other words, this program had to also fit within a busy modern life. I fully believe you can have the body you want without having to sacrifice your social life to get it. After all, what would be the point of getting into great shape if you can never reap the social benefits of that new shape!? Too many trainers and fitness coaches teach their clients to treat their diet and workout like a 'second job'. Are you kidding me?! I don't even want a 'first job' let alone a second one! The vast majority of women who want to lose weight simply do not have 6 to 8 extra hours a day to dedicate to this endeavour. Heck, for most people even carving out 1 hour takes some rearranging and schedule juggling. 6 My view of the Venus Factor is this: The Venus Factor System is the essential diet and fitness tools you need to get the body you want, while still being able to enjoy your life to its fullest. My goal with this program is to simplify the process rather than overcomplicate it. No doubt if you tried other diet or workout programs you already have many different diet and fitness 'rules' floating around in your head that you will not see come up in this program. In fact one of your first challenges will be accepting how simple this program really is. And I can assure you it's pretty simple. At this time it's worth making a distinction between 'simple' and 'easy'. This program just like any other diet or fitness program will have some challenges for you, some won't necessarily feel 'easy' but they will be 'simple'. For example, a push up is a 'simple' movement, but it may not necessarily feel 'easy' the first time you try it. Likewise eating a bit less sugar or fat is a 'simple' concept, but it may not feel 'easy' in the moment. So to be clear I've made this as 'simple' as possible, but sometimes it won't necessarily feel 'easy'. 7 Beth Hill – The Venus Mindset I do want to offer a huge thank you to YOU! It was discovering YOU through MFP that led me to the Venus Index and I haven't looked back. You have created such a beautiful transformation and I am simply in awe of you! My 12 weeks ends today and I am so thrilled with the changes that have occurred in my life - physically, emotionally, and spiritually! As a tall woman, my biggest fear was always becoming big and tall. It has now happened twice in the recent years and it feels absolutely horrible. At this point in my life, I truly don't see it ever happening again. I have no reservations and am committed to going forward! Like everyone else, I have tried it all and struggled to make anything work long term. VI is the answer I have been looking for. It's not prepackaged. It's not a pharmaceutical secret. It's not a list of rules. It's not a temporary fix. It's not a fraud preying on human weakness for financial gain. It is the ease of eating the foods I choose to eat on a smaller scale and simply challenging my muscles more and more. It is not eating when I'm not hungry and budgeting my calories for when I do want to eat. It is not fitness for the physically fit - it is fitness to create fitness. It is a personal commitment with no strings attached. The biggest surprise for me has been my spiritual and emotional transformation. I am experiencing and enjoying an unfamiliar joy - I can only describe it as being "high on life!" I am not sad, angry, grumpy or tired anymore. My self-esteem, motivation, and optimism have been recharged. I am Beth again and that feels really good. I truly feel that the best years of my life are ahead of me. The added benefit of connecting with and developing friendships with so many likeminded women on VI has been an added bonus and such a blessing. You led me to an amazing place Roberta and, because of that YOU will always be a part of my story. Thanks so much! You are loved! Beth 8 Beth Hill Your New Venus Family I'm writing this part to make sure you're going into this program with open honest eyes about what it is and what you can expect from it. You can have it all, you can lose all the weight and fat you've ever hoped for and you can change the look and shape of your body however you wish. And one of the best ways to get started is to talk to the Venus's in the community. You can talk to many of our previous Venus transformation contest winners in the community and learn exactly how they did it. They'll be more than happy to share. You can also listen to their podcast interviews and absorb all of their insight and wisdom of how they managed to overcome their own personal struggles along the way to getting their Venus body. Everyone will have their own personal path to follow and I guarantee there is a Venus who has already done it that can help you with your personal challenges. Venus members are always willing to help, many of the previous successful Venus's will take new Venus's under their wing and coach them through the process. Some form tight bonds with a few others and create txt messaging accountability friendships. Others find local Venus's in their area and actually meet each other in person to chat about the process, go for walks together and even workout together. I've personally travelled to meet up with different Venus's and we've organized meet ups in various locations (Las Vegas being a crowd favorite) and there is always another meet up around the corner. In short, there is a wealth of experience, information, support, and friendship waiting for you in the Venus community, all you need to do is introduce yourself and join the discussion. If you're not a 'forum user' then you can just poke around and read for awhile, no need to start chatting if you're not 100% comfortable at first. The women of the Venus community are your new partners and team that will support you throughout the process of getting to your weight loss and fitness goals. Many have built lasting friendships that have transcended the community and turned into real life friendships. The community is waiting with open arms for you whenever you're ready to be a part of it. And to be clear, this is a secure community that is only available to active Venus Factor members, nobody else can read or access it. 9
