About James H Burns
Since 1977 Jim Burns has been working with students who have learning disabilities and behavioral problems. He has almost 40 years of experience working as an administrator, teacher, college instructor, and seminar leader. He is committed to helping administrators, parents, and teachers establish standards of excellence and help them build successful relationships with their staff, students, and children. He has written and designed The Bully Proof Classroom, a graduate course that is now offered at The College of New Jersey, and La Salle University in Pennsylvania in partnership with The Regional Training Center. This course has been endorsed by the NJEA. He has also written “Anti Bullying 101.” A book that provides teachers, administrators, support staff and parent’s 101 tips on how to achieve permanent help in dealing with unruly behavior and can be used as part of any anti-bullying program. In May of 2015 Jim was awarded the degree of Doctor of Humane Letters by Gratz College in recognition of his almost forty years of work in student behavior management and anti bullying. He is available for on sight in-services and keynotes.
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I Don't Care Who Hears What I Say: A Haunting Attitude
Many years ago a wonderful friend of mine asked me what the smallest part of the body is. I was
very young and probably very stupid at the time and I responded with "Duh, a finger." He
commented to me, "No it's the tongue." He also said to me that although the tongue is the
smallest part of the body it can do the most damage. I never forgot the conversation that I had
with him; unfortunately he has since passed away and I miss him dearly. I could sure use a lot
more of his advice and teaching. Our words can really do some damage. Damage sometimes that
can be life long, and sometimes we don't even know what we're doing, probably because we just
were never taught how to shut-up. Kids and adults can shoot their mouth off and think that they
are being funny, or that they're standing up for themselves when in reality they may be doing
more harm than good. I was watching a baseball game very recently and watched one of the
players go crazy over a called third strike. This is a grown man. He had to be restrained by 3
other players and the manager. Of course he was thrown out of the game. He was also suspended
for three games right in the middle of a pennant race. I guess he really showed them. What a
dope.
We also like to have laughs at someone else's expense. My philosophy is if we both aren't
laughing it's not funny. Kids today have a real problem with behavior like this. They say things,
get a laugh and really hurt the feelings of another person. I don't even think that they are aware
of the fact that people are listening and not everyone is impressed with their wit, and that they
are creating a negative image of themselves in the minds of other people.
That wonderful friend of mine who talked to me about the tongue was also full of illustrations
and stories that were inspiring and instructional. He illustrated this societal problem with a true
story that I always refer to as the "Deaf Boy Story" and it is worth sharing here.
There were two boys who were brothers. One of the boys was deaf. They had a friend who hung
around with them all the time. This friend was the biggest jokester on two feet. He was always
telling jokes or making fun of someone or something. One day the three boys were headed out of
the house and this jokester started to make fun of the way the deaf boy spoke. Well the deaf kid
couldn't hear, and the brother gave a half hearted laugh and they left the house. No harm no
foul? The deaf kid didn't hear so no one got hurt. No one else heard right? No one heard except
the deaf kid's father who was reading the paper in the den.
Let's fast forward the tape. At the time of this incident these two boys were sophomores in
college. Two years went by and they both graduated with degrees in business administration.
They both went on the job hunt. This jokester had an interview with a large insurance company.
He had to go through one more phase of the hiring process. He had to meet the Vice-President of
the company. Who do you think the Vice-President was? The deaf kid's father, and the only
perception that he had of this young man was that he had made fun of his son. It cost
him..the job. People hear and they watch too. You never know when you are going to need
someone or something. The things that are the greatest desires of our hearts are the things that
will be withheld from us because of our past words or actions. Self-control is important and if
your tongue, a one ounce body part, has more control over you than you have over it, it will cost
you when least expect it. You never know.
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